Internal Dialogue

As I looked back to see when my last Post was, shamefacedly I realize it’s been TWENTY DAYS!! That has to be THE longest I’ve been away from here. I should have guessed when I opened the App and it asked me to log in again!! How dare I?!?!?

This leads in nicely to tonight’s title as I’ve been berating myself for ignoring this new venture of mine. Have you ever listened – REALLY listened – to your internal dialogue? This is not to be confused with a conversation you might have with yourself – which, if you’ve read the blog, is quite all right to do. No, this is the dialogue you tell yourself about YOU. Have you ever noticed that this dialogue is never positive? You find that you berate yourself for something left undone (unwritten blogs, perhaps?); or something done but incorrectly. You’ve made a stupid mistake and instead of calling the MISTAKE stupid, you end up calling YOURSELF stupid. You’ve let someone take advantage, so you get mad at yourself for being what you call “spineless”. You overate at suppertime, so you call yourself fat. You over-indulged in the “sweets” department so you call yourself weak. And the list goes on . . . and on . . . and on . . . until . . . . . . before you know it, no amount of compliments you receive can make up for the poor self-image you’ve created all because of this “internal dialogue” on steroids.

Let me tell you something, and take it from someone who has run the gambit of “self-mutilation of the self-esteem”, This. Is. NO. GOOD. and it DOES. NO. GOOD. except put you, your mood, and let’s not forget that self-esteem, all in the gutter, making you feel lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut!!!

Why don’t all of us try something new – and drastic. Why not go, oh, let’s say um, one month. Or how about the rest of the year? Why not forego the New Year’s Resolution about not berating yourself, and do it in time FOR the New Year. Just think how grand you’ll feel at the New Year’s Eve party. This is a great way to celebrate the Christmas Season as we head towards remembering the birth of the Christ Child. Just as His Birth brought new light into the world, why not bring new light into your own world. When you find that you’re putting yourself down; find that you’re calling you all kinds of stupid – not to mention all the other names; find that you’re getting mad at yourself for no good reason (enough examples or should I go on?); why don’t you stop! Go to the mirror! Look yourself straight in the eye (and yes, I know how hard that will be, believe me I do) and give yourself a COMPLIMENT!!! HUH?!? A WHAT?!? Did you forget the meaning of that word when it pertains to yourself? Well, familiarize yourself with it again!! Just try it. At first, I guarantee you’ll want to break the mirror – and not by your reflection (caught some of you thinking that, didn’t I?). But stick it out.

I’ll tell you something. Now that I put this out there, whether anyone reads it or not, I just put MYSELF in the hot seat. For how can I tell anyone to do this – even if it’s just me talking to me (make sense?) – and not do the same thing. (Have I REALLY confused you now?) That would be pretty hypocritical of me, wouldn’t it?

So, for the next month, let’s try building ourselves up instead of tearing ourselves down. This might be a really good way not go down the rabbit hole of dismal thoughts and lonely feelings during this season, too. (That’s a whole new blog in itself – and still to come.) Or at least it’s a good start in that direction anyway. I look forward to writing my New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day blog just to see if I was able to take my own advice. YIKES!! WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!?!?

Until next time,
Inge