The Person Within

Everyone has heard the saying “beauty is only skin deep”, which implies that how a person looks is just “surface” and therefore we should see beyond the surface beauty and/or “plain-Jane” looks. Well, there is another “surface sight” if-you-will, that is prone to snap judgements and mis-judgements. “What have we missed now?” you might be wondering. Well, this will take some introspection on your part; introspection that causes you to be honest with yourself. Hang on to your hat – here it comes!

What is the first thing you think of when you see a person who needs a mobility aid like a cane, or a walker, or even permanent crutches – but isn’t a senior. This “senior” comment comes from a stereotype that of course seniors will need some help staying mobile. Now don’t bristle at that comment, I do know that not everyone might think that, just as I know all seniors might not need that kind of help. What I’m talking about is if you see someone who is NOT a senior, but still requires a mobility aid. Ask yourself – and this is where being honest comes in – would you take the chance to get to know this person? Would you feel uncomfortable being seen with someone who is young and needs a walker and/or a cane? What about this? You’ve signed up with one – or more – of the matchmaking sites, see someone you would like to get to know, but then you find out there’s more to them than the profile and picture show. Would you want to be seen with a potential mate that needs such aid(s)?

What everyone needs to remember is that this is just “surface” as well. A person is not defined by their outward appearance – just like they are not defined by their beauty, or lack thereof. This is just a fact of life for people who have some form or another of disability. “Disability”. That’s a stigma in itself to have to live with. The term “disability” is almost as much of a hindrance to people as the aids that they need to stay mobile. Do you immediately balk when someone says they are disabled? Without even getting to know that person?

People with disabilities are human beings, too. A lot of them contribute to society; they go to work; they volunteer; or, they may be unable to do anything for one reason or another. What is your first thought when someone tells you that they are “on disability”? Does your “snap judgment” gene kick in? Or do you actually see past the words, past the aids, past the stigma – and want to get to know that person. You might encounter a bit of resistance, though, in the beginning. Can you guess why? They may have been hurt once too often; taken one too many chances on someone; been put down one too many times. Their “person within” is on guard. Can you see past that, too? Can you see past the guards that have been put up because of the snap judgements that have been made? You never know. This person might surprise you. You might be the one to find their warmth, their sense of humour, their intelligence. You might find a new friendship beginning. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you might find yourself a mate. The point is, you don’t know WHAT – or WHO – you will find if you don’t give the person a chance. We ALL have this “person within” that is kept guarded, kept safe, kept secure. You don’t have to be a person with disability to want to hide the real “you”. The person you see with a mobility aid just has that extra hurdle to get over; has hidden their “person within” a little deeper; which makes it much more difficult to get to know them. Guess what, though? It might be worth it! You’ll never know unless you jump in. But don’t jump in “head first”, as the “thinking” part of you (your head) might talk you out of it. Just “jump in” period! You might be surprised what happens when you don’t over-think things.

In conclusion, ponder this: the next time you see someone with a walker, a cane, crutches or some other mobility aid – look at the PERSON. Really SEE that person. Strike up a conversation. Ask them how they’re doing. And, REALLY LISTEN. Listen for signs of their person within. Give them the chance to show you what’s been hidden out of a necessity to survive. It might be the beginning of something wonderful. You’ll never know unless you press onward.

Until next time,

Inge