Forgiveness

This is a lengthier post than usual, but I think it’s worth the read. All of us at some point or another have been on this journey, or are still on it. Be assured, I belong to both categories – having completed one journey while still trying to complete other journeys. Unfortunately, there are more unfinished journeys in my life than finished.

Everyone knows – or at least has heard – that it is unhealthy for you not to forgive someone. The person most affected by unforgiveness is the person unwilling – or unable – to forgive. The problem with forgiveness is that it involves two parts of the human body and spirit that are very much a part of us – the head (logic) and the heart (feeling), and these two parts are sometimes on a collision course, especially where forgiving a person is concerned. I’m not talking about forgiving someone for bumping into you or for a slip of the tongue or for jumping off the wall at words that should never have slipped out – although forgiving someone for these things is also necessary. I’m talking about harsh treatment and/or cruel actions that scar the very soul. As stated above, I have taken this journey – and, I am still on the journey, too.

Sometimes the injustices and cruelty levelled our way is beyond comprehension or reason, especially when you can’t figure out what it is you ever did to deserve such treatment. Nonetheless, such treatment was levelled your way and now it is left up to you to deal with it. You can live with it and go about your merry way, not dealing with it. You could stew in it and drive yourself crazily in circles trying to figure this out. You could plot revenge – although sometimes this will put a smile on your face, so long as it stays only in the “plotting” stage. There are several choices you could make. The final one, and the BEST one is: YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT. How? That’s the tricky part. But there is one other thing to consider. There is something in the Bible in Matthew 6:14-15 that bears reading – and understanding. This is from the Amplified Bible Translation and I have never heard it (forgiveness) more accurately explained:

Matthew 6: 14-15: 14) “For if you forgive people their trespasses (their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment) your Heavenly Father will forgive you.” 15) “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses (their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment) neither will your Father forgive you.”

This explains quite nicely what exactly forgiveness must entail regarding the actions fired your way: “leaving them”, “letting them go”, “GIVE UP RESENTMENT” (caps added). Sounds intimidating – and impossible – doesn’t it? It also mentions “THEIR reckless and willful sins”, (caps added) in describing the actions of the perpetrator(s) involved, not YOUR actions. There is another thing to remember: by forgiving someone, you are NOT saying that what they did was O.K. by any stretch of the imagination. This is one that I had – and still have – real trouble with. How can it not infer that when you forgive someone that you’re actually saying “O.K., no big deal”; and “It’s alright”; and “Everything’s hunky-dory”. You might THINK it infers these things, but that is not the truth. Never is it “no big deal” or “alright” or “hunky-dory” to receive injustices and/or cruelty! So, the head understands this, but how do you get your heart to follow? THAT’S the hardest part. Guess what? You can’t do it alone, nor do you have to. WHAT? Who other than yourself – and the perpetrator(s) – has involvement here? Your Heavenly Father and mine, that’s who.

In all the chaos of mind and body, heart and soul, He can help you meander your way through the path to forgiveness. Even with His help, it will not be easy. There is a lot of emotional pain and scarring, not to mention your memory hangs on a great deal longer than you would want it to. (Oh, no!! Not yet ANOTHER part of ourselves that needs to be conquered on this journey?!?! YUP!) The best way to travel said journey is one step at a time. Don’t look at the final destination; just look what’s in front of you at the moment. Step by step your feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, agony and defeat, frustration and helplessness, can be conquered. And once conquered, forgiveness will finally be possible. These are NOT meaningless little feelings. They overwhelm the soul and confuse the body, making it seem that all you’re doing is running in circles and running into walls. THAT’S why you need to put your hand into the Heavenly Father’s – He can help you sort out all these feelings and emotions. AND He can help you conquer them. Didn’t you know that when you cry, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit cry with you? He hurts when you do and wants to see you whole.

Sometimes there are actions that are so heinous and unspeakable that you might need earthly help along with Father’s. That is nothing to be ashamed of. God put doctors and counsellors on this earth to help us. There’s nothing and no-one who should be putting you down for needing that kind of help and support. Sometimes it’s the only way. The point is that you travel your own road to forgiveness, ultimately reaching your destination. When you finally do reach that destination, there will be such a weight lifted off you that you might wonder why you didn’t do this sooner. I repeat what I said earlier: forgiving someone is NOT saying what they did to you is alright. This is a journey you go on for the sake of yourself and your peace of mind: THAT’S your destination, nobody else’s.

In conclusion, remember what it said in Matthew 6:15: “But if you do not forgive . . . neither will your Father forgive you.” Remember, your sins have been forgiven, can’t that mean you can forgive, too? I, myself, have a long way to go, but my head does tell me that, as hard as it is, we MUST forgive. For if we don’t, WE’LL never be forgiven, either. DEFINITELY not an easy thing to do. No matter what the head says, the heart has its own journey to go. But if we lean on Him; walk with our Lord on this journey to forgiveness; ask for HIS help in reconciling the wrongs done to us; seek His Love in conquering resentment, pain, and frustration; then we can be safe in knowing we are forgiven also. Isn’t this worth the seemingly impossible journey?

Until next time,

Inge