Walls or Bridges

Another lengthy article, but again, I think this just might be another one worth reading. I was reminded the other day about the difference between building walls and building bridges – beyond the obvious, of course. We can all see the physical differences, of course. You build a wall, you try to go through it and BANG (and/or OUCH!) you run right into it. A bridge, however, is something you travel over to the other side – no matter where the bridge, it is something you cross to get from “here” to “there”. Did you know that everyone has the capacity to build walls and bridges? No? Well, we do – but not physically. I’m talking about mental and/or emotional walls and bridges. Hang on to your hats, this article’s a doozy – and it will make you think – AND feel. Ready? Here we go.

Even if we don’t physically build walls or bridges, their meaning is relatively the same. One causes you to stop short on your journey, creating a “block”, and the other creates the ability to journey to the other side of something. Where one signifies a journey interrupted by an obstacle (wall), the other signifies a journey from point “A” to point “B” (bridge).

When you have something happen in your life that requires you to deal with it – or drive yourself insane – you have a choice at this point of whether you will build a wall or build a bridge. There are myriad scenarios that require you to do this and you will find opportunities galore as you journey through life. These scenarios can range from a trifle irritating to downright excruciating pain. How the future will unfold depends entirely on how – and what – you build in order to deal with your pain. And usually, the deeper the agony, the higher the wall or the longer the bridge. However, the choice is yours.

When you are going through something so agonizing that you wonder if you’ll ever survive it, all you want to do is get to the other side. But sometimes we never do reach that other side. Your world has shattered again, and yet again, it is left up to you and you alone to deal with it. Sometimes when you think you’re dealing with it, you’re actually only tamping it down – and down, and down, and down – so long as you get rid of this agony, right? Wrong. Even though survival instincts are to avoid pain, when you can’t avoid it, the next best thing is to get rid of it as quickly as possible any way you can, so long as it’s gone – or so you think. However, by tamping down the pain, you’re actually building a wall brick by brick just so you won’t have to feel said pain anymore. By pushing the feelings away – and not dealing with them – you’re actually adding height to the wall. By ignoring them, you’re actually thickening that same wall. Granted, you may not even realize you’ve built a wall until some point in the future – usually when something similar happens and you’re confronted by that same pain and those same choices. When that happens, you’re astounded at yourself because you thought this had been dealt with once and for all, only to realize the time was spent building a wall instead of a bridge. Walls create a barrier, not clear access.

Even if it’s unfair that the onus is on you to deal with a situation, you don’t want to build that wall. Walls have a tendency of crashing down, usually when you least expect it. Either that, or you’ll become so adept at building walls that you find emotions and feelings have frozen. Yes, you still laugh, but it’s a guarded laugh. Yes, you can still joke, but you find the humour is more sarcastic than hilarious. Yes you can still converse with people, but you don’t share YOURSELF. You find that with the wall, you’re on one side, and the world is on the other, with no clear path back to that world of the living. Walls are barriers to more than just the journey you are on at the moment. They have lasting consequences. That’s why you need to build a bridge.

Bridges signify going from point “A” to point “B” as I stated above. You begin at the point of betrayal; at the greatest point of pain; at the deepest, bloodiest part of the cut – and slowly make your way over to serenity; to calm; to acceptance. THAT’S what a bridge can do for you. It can give you a permanent way OUT, not just a temporary pause. It won’t be pretty. You’ll have to acknowledge some pretty wicked emotions. You’ll battle the feelings of frustration and unfairness. The pain can seem unbearable, but you know what? You’ll find you WILL be able to bear it, step by step. You might even be bombarded with feelings of hatred towards the perpetrator of your pain. You’ll be able to master that too, so that the ugly ramifications of hatred won’t affect you anymore. And as you cross this bridge you’ve built at such high cost, you’ll find that the strength that seemed so far away at the beginning is gradually increasing with every step you take to the other side.

In conclusion, I’m going to repeat two things which I’ve mentioned in other articles. The first is this: if you find you’re having trouble dealing with something traumatic, ask for help. There is no shame in admitting that you need someone to help you build this bridge you want to cross. As a matter of fact, it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit you can’t do it alone. And second – and what I think is the most important: pray. Seek guidance from the Lord; ask God for His strength and peace. God does not like to see His children in pain, and He can grant you a peace to your soul that nothing can surpass. All you have to do is turn to Him, and trust Him. Remember, it’s up to you how your future will unfold – a future of walls, or a future of bridges. Your choice.

Until next time,

Inge