“You’re Just In A Bad Mood” – NOT!

Have you every been told that? Or maybe the one where you’re told to “just get over it”, how about that one? Or the one where people tell you to “just snap out of it” and/or “it will pass”. After hearing one or more of these, how many of you wanted to punch the person saying it? No, I’m not advocating violence! I’m just trying to convey a myriad of emotions that hearing any one of these statements can evoke in a person. Have you guessed what this article is about today? It is about something that no one likes to talk about or acknowledge. Many who suffer from it do so in a silence that is almost deafening. Others who are confronted with it in a conversation resort to one or more of the above statements, or try to uncomfortably shrug it off or laugh it off. I’m talking about depression. Something very real, very debilitating, and very isolating. Before I move on, I must again mention that I am not a medical professional in any capacity. My writings come from life itself, observations, and encounters throughout the years. Hang on to your hats, this is another “deep” journey – and another longer read!

If you’ve never suffered from depression, consider yourself extremely fortunate – and I mean EXTREMELY fortunate. Although in this day and age the topic of depression is not as “hush-hush” as it was when I was younger, it is still something no one likes to talk about. As in everything, there are differing degrees of depression ranging from being mildly “off” for a few days to being completely shut down from life. You’re not “weird” or “odd man out”. You’re not the exception to a rule of happy-go-lucky people. It doesn’t make you a “bad person”, either, if you find yourself in a depression. And despite what you may have heard, more often than not, you can’t just “snap out of it”.

For those of you that fall into the “extremely fortunate” category of never having had to deal with depression, let me try and explain to you just a tiny bit of what a person might be feeling – if I can. Depression is like a heavy blanket covering you so completely that it weighs you down almost to immobility. Try doing so. Find one of the heaviest blankets you have; pull it over your head and cover yourself so completely that no light can come sneaking in; and do so while standing up. Then try to make your way around your home. It’s literally pushing you down, making you stumble, or making you fall down completely. And that’s not all. Have you ever had “excited” butterflies in your stomach? Well, try butterflies that literally feel like they are slamming against your stomach trying to get out, but never can. These butterflies are not the excited type, but the panicked kind that just have to get out, butting against not only your stomach but your head and your arms and your legs, slamming over and over again with no signs of calming down, chasing you in ever-decreasing circles not knowing what to do in this moment, and the next, and the next. Sounds like a panic attack, doesn’t it? Yes, depression can send you into a panic. It can also leave you in so debilitating a state that you don’t even want to get out of bed. Have you ever wanted to just pull the covers over your head on a rainy day and let the day just slip away? Well, try waking up like that every single day of your life where all you want to do is stay in bed, under the covers, and not even face what to have for breakfast that morning. You don’t want to speak to anyone, see anyone, think about anyone or anything. You just try to blank your mind because the only thoughts in your head send you into an even deeper hole of despair. You don’t care if you get dressed. You don’t care if your place is a mess. You don’t care what you look like. You don’t care if you talk to another living soul. You either go to the extreme of not eating at all, or you go into “junk food overdrive” eating only ice cream, chocolate, cookies etc. (Sounds like a cliche but it’s very true.) The only path you see is a path leading you to even darker thoughts, darker places, darker feelings, with no sign of even a single glimmer of light. These darker thoughts lead you to an even darker place where the only “out” you see is the path to ending it all. Do you think I’m being dramatic? Not at all. This is very real, very painful, and very dangerous, especially if you cut yourself off from family and friends.

So, after such a brief and bleak description of depression, what do you do? There’s the rub – what DO you do? Sometimes you will be blessed with a very good friend that will sit and listen to you, comfort you, and bolster you up. If this is what helps you, go talk to just such a friend. Sometimes your state of mind is such that even the best of friends don’t know how to help, or you aren’t blessed with having a friend like that. Does that mean there’s no hope? Of course not. In such an instance, you need to seek help from your doctor. Don’t be ashamed to bring up the subject of depression. That’s what your doctor is there for. He might advise you to start taking some antidepressants, and that’s O.K., too. Do not feel like a failure if you need pharmaceutical help. That’s exactly what it’s there for. Your doctor will most likely also advise you to go seek professional help where your depression is concerned. You know what? That’s O.K., too, and the same thing goes here – don’t feel like a failure if you need to seek the advice and/or help of a counsellor or even a psychiatrist. That’s what we have them for. Last but by no means least, pray. I say that a lot, and I say it because it really does help. Seek comfort from the greatest Comforter of all, your Heavenly Father. He really can help with those butterflies, and even with the darker thoughts. And if you still need to see that counsellor or psychiatrist, please do so. Who do you think made all this medical help available? That’s right. The world’s greatest Counsellor ever. Also, and this is very important: don’t feel like you are failing as a Christian if you need to seek medical help. You are not letting God down or losing faith by doing so. As I just said, Who do you think made all this help possible? Counsellors and psychiatrists are trained to help you navigate this dark journey that you’re on. You are not failing as a Christian, nor are you failing God. It takes tremendous courage to go and seek help. The thought of opening up to some stranger can be a hugely daunting prospect. Remember this also: you most likely will not be able to navigate this journey in one or two, or even three, appointments. It may be a very long journey, but a journey that will show you that sliver of light at the end of your very dark tunnel.

In conclusion, I would like to mention one more thing. If you are confronted by a person seeking someone to talk to – please listen, and do so without condemnation and/or censure. A great deal of the time, that is just what a person is looking for – a compassionate shoulder and a sympathetic ear. They won’t be looking for that one grand solution; they won’t be looking for you to “fix” them; they don’t need to hear “you’ll get over it” or “it will pass”; they just need you to listen – really listen. Is that so hard to do? Sometimes all that person needs is to voice out loud the turmoil within. And if that is all a person needs to veer off the path of darkness, is that such a burdensome thing to do? Whether a trusted friend comes to you, or a stranger begins to open up to you, be that shoulder they can lean on and that voice of compassion they are so in need of. You may not ever know how you’ve changed the life of that someone who comes to you to talk – but change that life you will. Make sure it will be a change towards the light rather than a continued travel into darkness. Even if you don’t remember the person who spoke to you, please know that the person will remember you. Make sure you’re remembered with fondness and a smile rather than with sadness and a frown.

Take care, be safe, and

Until next time,

Inge