Shadow Boxing – With A TKO?!?

O.K. Some might look at that title and think I’ve gone off my rocker – again. But, no, I’m still kicking around in reality – sort of. How can you have a TKO (“Total Knock Out” is a boxing term for those that don’t know what the initials stand for) when this “shadow boxing” that you’re doing is against yourself? W-E-E-L-L-L – it gets a little complicated, yet it is so simple.

How many of you get into a rage – at yourselves? How many times have you berated yourself for something that you’ve said or done? Or, when your mind takes that unintentional trip down memory lane – and you’re still angry at yourself for something that happened so long ago. There might be more of you out there than you think. Although this is not something that really gets talked about, is it?

All of a sudden, something happens that will send you into an unintentional fit of rage where you can’t believe you really did that, or said that. When this happens, you feel like you need to find an outlet for all the feelings that are making you feel like breaking out of your skin. It could be triggered by anything: an argument; a dressing down; a memory that refuses to be put to rest; being unfairly put in your place; and so on. It’s all the more vicious when it’s unexpected; when you’re caught off guard with those feelings. So, what do you do?

Well, that’s where I get the “shadow boxing” from. Even though the feelings might have been triggered by another person – the fight, the criticism – the feelings that show up are all you, and invariably turn to anger at oneself. These feelings can be anything like anger at yourself for not having handled things better; disgust at yourself for always thinking about certain past mistakes; shame at something done years ago. It could be many things and many different emotions – and that’s what leads to battling yourself, because you have no one else to blame.

This is where the danger comes in, though. “Shadow” boxing with yourself doesn’t alleviate these feelings. It seems like nothing will. So, what happens is that instead of “air-punching” at yourself (“shadow boxing”) you find you need real contact with a solid object. You need to literally hit something or you’ll burst, or scream, or . . . well, you get the idea. These feelings lead to real physical contact – with the wall, with a table, – with yourself. Yes, I said “with yourself”. What do I mean? There are internal feelings that are so encompassing, so overpowering, that you would rather feel physical pain than the emotional pain you’re in at the moment – and you are that inflictor of physical pain upon your own body. This, too, may be more common than you may think. And a lot more dangerous. Even if you don’t punch yourself, but punch a wall, you are still going to feel physical pain at connecting with that wall. I’ve often said that what we need to get are those blow-up clowns that “wobble” on the ground when you hit them. They will fly backwards at the punch and roll right back toward you. Or, even a punching bag situated in a quiet corner of your living space. These would definitely be better than a wall. This would also be so much better than sporting the bruises you’ve inflicted on yourself because you didn’t know what to do with all that rage. So, is there a solution? Yes, there is.

This is no laughing matter. If you find hurting yourself seems to be the only way to deal with all these emotions – GO TALK TO SOMEONE. PLEASE. And IMMEDIATELY! If it is getting out of control, please, talk to your doctor, if you trust him/her. Call a trusted friend. Go talk to your pastor or priest. Seek out a therapist to help you sort through all of the rigamaroll that seems to be drowning you. And when you do – or even BEFORE you do – remember: there is NO SHAME in asking for help. None. And don’t let anyone tell you differently. It takes courage to step out and ask for help. It’s frightening to think someone else will get a glimpse of the blackness that you THINK your soul has fallen into. It takes strength to let someone see the darkest parts of yourself. Something else: if the person you do go to starts judging you, or criticizing you, or lecturing you about these feelings – LEAVE. You don’t need that kind of help. But don’t let that stop you from trying to find someone else. There really are people with understanding that are non-judgemental and who sincerely want to see you come out the other side of this.

I do have to reiterate that I am no therapist. Even so, I can honestly say I know what it’s like. And how that darkness can swallow you up if you’re not careful. You’ve also heard me say several times to turn to prayer, and I’m saying it again now. Seek the peace that comes from the Great Comforter Himself – your Heavenly Father. You can pour out anything and everything to Him. He can bring a semblance of peace to you as well. But when you do, don’t do so as a substitution for talking with someone. Seek Him AND a professional. If you are a Christian, or a believer, you are not insulting God or letting Him down in seeking the consult of another person. Who do you think put these doctors and therapists on Earth? This will NOT be a failure of your faith, please believe that.

In conclusion, if you are one of the people who struggle with self-anger, there IS hope down the road. You’re not alone, nor are you beyond help. And if you happen to be the friend that someone turns to about this, be that friend with an open mind and an open heart. Really LISTEN to what this person has to say, but DO. NOT. JUDGE. Just keep thinking about what it took for your friend to call you. Help where you can, and suggest professional help with love. And remember the saying: “There but for the Grace of God go I”. Stay safe and stay healthy.

Until next time,

Inge