Looking Beneath the Anger – “Shadow Boxing”, Part 2

This article will be a bit shorter than “Shadow Boxing – With A TKO” – hopefully – but with me, you never know! This is an addendum to the first “Shadow Boxing” article as I realized I left out a very important point – or three! I just wrote about the anger and the rage – and not what might be perpetrating this – aside from the obvious “trigger”.

I focused solely on the anger and rage one might be feeling, and the consequences that might arise when trying to deal with these overwhelming feelings. But there is something I missed, and that is, more often than not, the anger is a symptom and not necessarily the result of a trigger. What do I mean? This involves an intense amount of introspection – and honesty with oneself, which is almost as scary as acting on your anger with self-harm.

More often than not, when your anger is triggered, causing you to want to hit something, there is more than just the obvious feelings. When your anger is so all-encompassing that it overshadows everything else but the reaction to strike, the underlying cause is a deep feeling of hurt and anguish that you would much rather NOT deal with. Hence, once you’ve struck out at yourself, you don’t go the extra mile to figure out what’s really beneath the outburst.

There are some things that people go through that are just too painful to face, too excruciating to name, and too intense to focus on. But here’s the crux of the matter: if you DON’T focus on them, you’ll forever be thrown into fits of rage that lead to wanting to beat up a wall – or a table, or yourself. Dealing with this is no piece of cake. As I stated above, it requires an inordinate amount of introspection and honesty with oneself. But NOT dealing with this will kill your soul one day at a time, one episode of anger at a time, until you find that all that’s left is the rage and a more-than-dull sense of “where am I really”.

Pain is a good teacher. You learn not to repeat something that causes you pain – like putting your hand on a hot stove, etc. But what do you do when the pain has been filling you up one excruciating instant at a time? That’s when we end up burying it. It’s too much to face, so we tap it down – and down – and down – until there is no more room and you explode. What you do is what I suggested in the last article: seek some help and/or guidance. A lot of times this pain that’s accumulated is beyond anything you’re ready to deal with. That’s why you need someone to talk to. Find a trusted friend, a pastor or priest, your doctor or therapist or counsellor. But do so quickly. You’ve probably been hiding this pain for so long you forgot that it’s there. It has just become another appendage like your arm or your leg – just something that’s always been there. It will probably require more than just one conversation, too. Just think how long you’ve been doing this. It won’t all be dealt with after one heart-to-heart – although that IS a beginning. The hardest step to take is that first step to talking with someone. I say it again: it takes courage to ask for help. There are just some things in life that can’t be handled by yourself, no matter how independent you are. And never forget – send a prayer or nine up to your Heavenly Father. He will always be there to listen. And you might be surprised! He can show you the way; guide you to the right person to talk to; send His peace to calm you; and give you the strength to carry on. And what bears repeating is this: if you are a believer – and even if you’re not – you are not “letting God down” by seeking help from earth-bound persons. Don’t let anyone tell you that!

Please believe me when I say that this is a very serious matter. And also, there is an end in site. You may not be feeling very hopeful or even very strong, but that will come. It is never too late to begin dealing with the “un-dealable” (if that’s a word?!). No, in all seriousness, you may not FEEL very strong, but you might surprise yourself at how strong you really are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Those that have never felt pain like this probably won’t understand – and if you are one of those people and someone comes to you about anger and pain, please be understanding enough to hear them out and, above all, don’t judge. The person talking to you has already judged themselves far too harshly and what they need is love and understanding. If you are one of the people who has already made the journey I’m talking about in here, then think of some way you might be able to help someone who is just starting out. There is not a more powerful advocate than one who has already travelled this road.

I also say again that I am no therapist or medical professional. What I write about is life and experience. But that doesn’t mean I can’t listen. If you have no one – or if you FEEL like you have no one, leave a comment. Or if you are leery of commenting on an open forum, E-Mail me at inges.irony@gmail.com and I will endeavour to lend an ear.

Stay safe everyone and stay healthy.

Until next time,

Inge