Dependence or Addiction: The Controversy Over Medications

This article might cause some to “bristle” and others to “scorn”. I have for a long time maintained that there is a difference between being dependent on medications and being addicted to them. However, in looking up the word “dependence”, I noticed that one of the synonyms listed is “addicted”. Well, that caused me to pause – but not for long. I still think there is a difference between the two. I touch on that more in the article. I must state again that I am not a doctor, nor am I a counsellor. I write from experience and observation.

I believe that if one is “dependent” on medication for a variety of LEGITIMATE reasons, that means that a trusted physician has decided that you need these meds to bolster your quality of life. This means following the instructions of said physician and/or pharmacist – and NOT taking more than prescribed. THAT’S the difference: sticking to the amount prescribed to you and not altering it any way without a physician’s advice. Once you start taking more meds than what you need, and you just can’t wait for the next dose, THAT’S what moves a person from dependence to addiction.

Now, the main thing I’m talking about is if one is suffering from chronic pain and has been prescribed pain killers. There is such controversy around opioids and their use that it has gotten to the point where you don’t even want to let ANYONE know you are taking them. Now, don’t get me wrong – I really do believe that there is an opioid crisis in this country (Canada) and in the U.S., and there is legitimate concern at the vast number of deaths that have been attributed to opioid use. BUT (yes, another “but”) if one uses these medications responsibly – even on a daily basis; if the amount you take is EXACTLY as prescribed to you; if you can wait for the next dose without climbing the walls; and, you don’t feel any kind of “withdrawal” between doses, I believe that yes, you may be dependent on these meds to increase your quality of life, but you AREN’T addicted to them. Yes, I know, that is a very fine line we’re talking about.

What do I mean by “addiction”? I believe you cross over that “fine line” if you start taking more meds than originally prescribed; if you find it impossible to wait for the next dose; if you find yourself taking more and more meds to get a certain “feeling”; if your body begins to react in a negative manner (withdrawal symptoms) before your next dose; these are all warning signs that point to you heading in a dangerous direction and entering the area of being addicted to your meds. And again, I do realize this is a very fine line. If you find yourself experiencing any one of these things, seek help IMMEDIATELY. The longer you stay crossed over the line, the harder it will be on you.

There is such a stigma attached to pain killers that the majority of people on them get “looked down upon” for using them. Why is that, I wonder. People always want to jump to the wrong conclusions, not realizing that people on meds would rather be gong in any other direction than the meds route. But, sadly, so many people DO need to be on them. If you are a person on meds for chronic pain, don’t let anyone look down on you. Be as strong as possible when being confronted for your “addiction” (as too many people will view it). If you have been on them for years but would rather try another route, then decrease the amount of meds you’re on WITH A PHYSICIAN’S HELP. NEVER try to do this alone. It can be done safely and in not so much of an uncomfortable way. Yes, it might take much longer than if you went “cold turkey”, but you will get it done. If you do want to go the “cold turkey” route, again, SEEK HELP. DO NOT DO THIS ALONE.

If you are someone that suffers from chronic pain, you know you would do almost anything to try and lessen that pain (that’s a separate article). It’s not fun being in pain 24/7. It drains you physically as well as emotionally. But, you MUST seek help for this. DO NOT try to medicate yourself. Find a trusted doctor that knows what he/she is talking about. Don’t stick with a doctor that just writes a prescription willy nilly and doesn’t care how fast you go through it (yeah, there are doctors like that, too). Find alternative measures if you can. Or seek these alternative measures in conjunction with taking the prescribed meds. There are some people that get relief from their pain without meds. To those people I say “well done”, you are very lucky to have found these alternatives. However, there is chronic pain that doesn’t lessen unless helped with meds. And there is nothing wrong with seeking help that way. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are less of a person for needing them. People don’t understand chronic pain unless they, themselves, have gone through it. So keep your head high; enjoy your life as best as you can; keep that smile on your face and keep a positive frame of mind. You, too, are a worthy person.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay strong.

Until next time,

Inge

Happy Valentine’s Day

We have once again reached that day where people all over the world pay tribute to their “other half”. It is also a day that might trigger utter loneliness for those that are still alone for whatever reason. However, this is for all the people who have found their soul mate and celebrate having such a person in their lives. And if you have found your soul mate, remember: be grateful for the fact you have someone to celebrate, for too many cannot celebrate this day, either because they’ve lost their soul mate or, have yet to have such a person enter their lives. Make sure you don’t take the person in your life for granted – and make sure they don’t take you for granted, either. I hope there are many who can relate to the following poem. If not, don’t despair – your life isn’t over yet.

YOU

You are a memory deep inside
You are a vision I see far and wide
You are my past, my present and my future
You are something that I will always treasure

You are my life, my whole being
You sustain me when I hunger
You quench me when I thirst
You pick me up when I fall
And put me back together when I break

You are my body and my soul
You are my whole being
You hold me tenderly
And comfort me spiritually

You know my thought even before I think them
My actions even before I do them
You understand my every need
And you fulfill them

I depend on you
I rely on you
Without you I am lost
I am half a person, half a life, half a soul
You make my life complete and I love you

Ingrid Ewikowski

Stay safe, stay warm and stay healthy

Until next time,

Inge

Looking Beneath the Anger – “Shadow Boxing”, Part 2

This article will be a bit shorter than “Shadow Boxing – With A TKO” – hopefully – but with me, you never know! This is an addendum to the first “Shadow Boxing” article as I realized I left out a very important point – or three! I just wrote about the anger and the rage – and not what might be perpetrating this – aside from the obvious “trigger”.

I focused solely on the anger and rage one might be feeling, and the consequences that might arise when trying to deal with these overwhelming feelings. But there is something I missed, and that is, more often than not, the anger is a symptom and not necessarily the result of a trigger. What do I mean? This involves an intense amount of introspection – and honesty with oneself, which is almost as scary as acting on your anger with self-harm.

More often than not, when your anger is triggered, causing you to want to hit something, there is more than just the obvious feelings. When your anger is so all-encompassing that it overshadows everything else but the reaction to strike, the underlying cause is a deep feeling of hurt and anguish that you would much rather NOT deal with. Hence, once you’ve struck out at yourself, you don’t go the extra mile to figure out what’s really beneath the outburst.

There are some things that people go through that are just too painful to face, too excruciating to name, and too intense to focus on. But here’s the crux of the matter: if you DON’T focus on them, you’ll forever be thrown into fits of rage that lead to wanting to beat up a wall – or a table, or yourself. Dealing with this is no piece of cake. As I stated above, it requires an inordinate amount of introspection and honesty with oneself. But NOT dealing with this will kill your soul one day at a time, one episode of anger at a time, until you find that all that’s left is the rage and a more-than-dull sense of “where am I really”.

Pain is a good teacher. You learn not to repeat something that causes you pain – like putting your hand on a hot stove, etc. But what do you do when the pain has been filling you up one excruciating instant at a time? That’s when we end up burying it. It’s too much to face, so we tap it down – and down – and down – until there is no more room and you explode. What you do is what I suggested in the last article: seek some help and/or guidance. A lot of times this pain that’s accumulated is beyond anything you’re ready to deal with. That’s why you need someone to talk to. Find a trusted friend, a pastor or priest, your doctor or therapist or counsellor. But do so quickly. You’ve probably been hiding this pain for so long you forgot that it’s there. It has just become another appendage like your arm or your leg – just something that’s always been there. It will probably require more than just one conversation, too. Just think how long you’ve been doing this. It won’t all be dealt with after one heart-to-heart – although that IS a beginning. The hardest step to take is that first step to talking with someone. I say it again: it takes courage to ask for help. There are just some things in life that can’t be handled by yourself, no matter how independent you are. And never forget – send a prayer or nine up to your Heavenly Father. He will always be there to listen. And you might be surprised! He can show you the way; guide you to the right person to talk to; send His peace to calm you; and give you the strength to carry on. And what bears repeating is this: if you are a believer – and even if you’re not – you are not “letting God down” by seeking help from earth-bound persons. Don’t let anyone tell you that!

Please believe me when I say that this is a very serious matter. And also, there is an end in site. You may not be feeling very hopeful or even very strong, but that will come. It is never too late to begin dealing with the “un-dealable” (if that’s a word?!). No, in all seriousness, you may not FEEL very strong, but you might surprise yourself at how strong you really are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Those that have never felt pain like this probably won’t understand – and if you are one of those people and someone comes to you about anger and pain, please be understanding enough to hear them out and, above all, don’t judge. The person talking to you has already judged themselves far too harshly and what they need is love and understanding. If you are one of the people who has already made the journey I’m talking about in here, then think of some way you might be able to help someone who is just starting out. There is not a more powerful advocate than one who has already travelled this road.

I also say again that I am no therapist or medical professional. What I write about is life and experience. But that doesn’t mean I can’t listen. If you have no one – or if you FEEL like you have no one, leave a comment. Or if you are leery of commenting on an open forum, E-Mail me at inges.irony@gmail.com and I will endeavour to lend an ear.

Stay safe everyone and stay healthy.

Until next time,

Inge

Shadow Boxing – With A TKO?!?

O.K. Some might look at that title and think I’ve gone off my rocker – again. But, no, I’m still kicking around in reality – sort of. How can you have a TKO (“Total Knock Out” is a boxing term for those that don’t know what the initials stand for) when this “shadow boxing” that you’re doing is against yourself? W-E-E-L-L-L – it gets a little complicated, yet it is so simple.

How many of you get into a rage – at yourselves? How many times have you berated yourself for something that you’ve said or done? Or, when your mind takes that unintentional trip down memory lane – and you’re still angry at yourself for something that happened so long ago. There might be more of you out there than you think. Although this is not something that really gets talked about, is it?

All of a sudden, something happens that will send you into an unintentional fit of rage where you can’t believe you really did that, or said that. When this happens, you feel like you need to find an outlet for all the feelings that are making you feel like breaking out of your skin. It could be triggered by anything: an argument; a dressing down; a memory that refuses to be put to rest; being unfairly put in your place; and so on. It’s all the more vicious when it’s unexpected; when you’re caught off guard with those feelings. So, what do you do?

Well, that’s where I get the “shadow boxing” from. Even though the feelings might have been triggered by another person – the fight, the criticism – the feelings that show up are all you, and invariably turn to anger at oneself. These feelings can be anything like anger at yourself for not having handled things better; disgust at yourself for always thinking about certain past mistakes; shame at something done years ago. It could be many things and many different emotions – and that’s what leads to battling yourself, because you have no one else to blame.

This is where the danger comes in, though. “Shadow” boxing with yourself doesn’t alleviate these feelings. It seems like nothing will. So, what happens is that instead of “air-punching” at yourself (“shadow boxing”) you find you need real contact with a solid object. You need to literally hit something or you’ll burst, or scream, or . . . well, you get the idea. These feelings lead to real physical contact – with the wall, with a table, – with yourself. Yes, I said “with yourself”. What do I mean? There are internal feelings that are so encompassing, so overpowering, that you would rather feel physical pain than the emotional pain you’re in at the moment – and you are that inflictor of physical pain upon your own body. This, too, may be more common than you may think. And a lot more dangerous. Even if you don’t punch yourself, but punch a wall, you are still going to feel physical pain at connecting with that wall. I’ve often said that what we need to get are those blow-up clowns that “wobble” on the ground when you hit them. They will fly backwards at the punch and roll right back toward you. Or, even a punching bag situated in a quiet corner of your living space. These would definitely be better than a wall. This would also be so much better than sporting the bruises you’ve inflicted on yourself because you didn’t know what to do with all that rage. So, is there a solution? Yes, there is.

This is no laughing matter. If you find hurting yourself seems to be the only way to deal with all these emotions – GO TALK TO SOMEONE. PLEASE. And IMMEDIATELY! If it is getting out of control, please, talk to your doctor, if you trust him/her. Call a trusted friend. Go talk to your pastor or priest. Seek out a therapist to help you sort through all of the rigamaroll that seems to be drowning you. And when you do – or even BEFORE you do – remember: there is NO SHAME in asking for help. None. And don’t let anyone tell you differently. It takes courage to step out and ask for help. It’s frightening to think someone else will get a glimpse of the blackness that you THINK your soul has fallen into. It takes strength to let someone see the darkest parts of yourself. Something else: if the person you do go to starts judging you, or criticizing you, or lecturing you about these feelings – LEAVE. You don’t need that kind of help. But don’t let that stop you from trying to find someone else. There really are people with understanding that are non-judgemental and who sincerely want to see you come out the other side of this.

I do have to reiterate that I am no therapist. Even so, I can honestly say I know what it’s like. And how that darkness can swallow you up if you’re not careful. You’ve also heard me say several times to turn to prayer, and I’m saying it again now. Seek the peace that comes from the Great Comforter Himself – your Heavenly Father. You can pour out anything and everything to Him. He can bring a semblance of peace to you as well. But when you do, don’t do so as a substitution for talking with someone. Seek Him AND a professional. If you are a Christian, or a believer, you are not insulting God or letting Him down in seeking the consult of another person. Who do you think put these doctors and therapists on Earth? This will NOT be a failure of your faith, please believe that.

In conclusion, if you are one of the people who struggle with self-anger, there IS hope down the road. You’re not alone, nor are you beyond help. And if you happen to be the friend that someone turns to about this, be that friend with an open mind and an open heart. Really LISTEN to what this person has to say, but DO. NOT. JUDGE. Just keep thinking about what it took for your friend to call you. Help where you can, and suggest professional help with love. And remember the saying: “There but for the Grace of God go I”. Stay safe and stay healthy.

Until next time,

Inge

We’re Not All The Same – or Are we?

I’ve been debating with myself all week on wether to write about this or not (yes, I debate with myself – sometimes the debates get r-e-e-a-l-l-y vocal!). There is so much to say on individuality and uniqueness I could go on for literally HOURS! But I’ll spare you the pain of a novel today instead of a post – even though this might turn into a “mini novel” regardless.

The topic I was debating with myself about had to do with lumping all people together in a certain group or identity. Confused? Yeah, so was I. I’ll start with what got me to thinking about this in the first place. On January 11th, 2021, I read something in an article by CTV News. It said the following: “PayPal Holdings Inc blocked Christian crowd funding site GiveSendGo after it helped raise funds for people who attended last week’s event in Washington when supporters of US President Donald Trump stormed the Capitol”. Now, I could speak VOLUMES on the January 6th, 2021 incident at the US Capitol, and I just might, but that’s not what this article is about.

As you read the above quote, it really doesn’t seem like there is anything wrong with it, right? It makes sense and agreeing with it comes naturally. But what got me to thinking (yes, I do that occasionally, too!) was how broad the spectrum is when someone references “Christians”. I’ve seen it multiple times in multiple articles – the reference to “Christians” or “Evangelicals”, seeming to lump all Christians together. When that happens – when someone references ALL Christians – people may get the wrong idea. Now, I know we are not suppose to be the judges of our fellow man, leaving the judgement to Jesus when He returns. I say that, because I’m about to sound rather “judgemental”.

When you see posts about “Christians”, it’s easy to think the reference is ALL Christians, EVERYWHERE. That, I think, is human nature. But I had this “righteous” anger about all of a sudden being lumped in with all Christians or Evangelicals everywhere as I read article after article. My views weren’t in line with Evangelicals supporting Donal Trump, nor were they in line with the lies about an election that was freely and safely held. (Again, I could write volumes on this subject, too.) I tell you, I was working myself into quite a frenzy being included in these groups. I couldn’t understand how the “average Joe” could believe in these ridiculous lies. Until something was brought to my attention. These lies may have been echoed by the leadership of the churches. And we are so programmed to believe what leaders tell us, aren’t we? THAT’S where we may all be the same. But isn’t that how we got into this mess in the first place? By leaders perpetrating lies. We are told that our leaders want only what is best for us – however, if you follow any kind of politics, you know that THAT may not happen very often. But back to the leaders that are carrying these lies to us. Yes, we are to listen to what people in leadership roles tell us, but we also have a God-given brain to think for ourselves. It IS permissible to question our leaders, and not follow them blindly.

I’m not saying I’m the only Christian who doesn’t believe these lies. I’m sure there are many, many others that don’t want to be lumped in with the Evangelicals not just espousing Trump, but also various other things. But when the perception is that being a Christian means YOU’RE in line with ALL Evangelicals, THAT bothers me. Please, I’m not saying that I’m oh-so-much-wiser or better than everyone else. I really don’t want to give that impression. God gives me “knocks on the head” quite often to get me to listen and follow the right path. I’m saying that all Christians are not the same. There are God-fearing, God-following people who try to live their lives according to the Word of God – the Bible. And, yes, the Bible is open to interpretation just like a lot of other things, and man is fallible. But, the Bible is written by men who have been inspired by the Holy Spirit and helped by Father above. And yes, I very truly do believe this. So! Where does that leave us? What are we suppose to do?

It is a conundrum, isn’t it. We’re hard-wired to listen to leaders and follow what they tell us. Also, I am NOT saying we are to disregard everything we are ever told – EVER! Although that’s what this is sounding like, isn’t it? No, we don’t disregard everything. But we have been given a conscience and we have intellect and instinct, and if that instinct kicks in, do some checking around. Make a few calls to senior members of the church. Do some research on the subject in question. Read what the Word of God says. And above all else – PRAY. When we are unsure of things; when something is troubling us; when we disagree with others – go to the Heavenly Father and try to really listen to what He is telling you. No, I do not believe God speaks with an audible voice, telling me where to go and what to believe. Study the Word. Sit in prayer. Find a peaceful place to meditate on what He might be saying. You might be surprised how He’ll answer you.

Some people might want to shrug this off. Many may call me “certifiable” – and maybe there are moments where I am “certifiable”. But what I really want coming across from all this is the following: when a label is attached to something, don’t just assume EVERYONE falls into the category – whatever category that might be. There are good people and bad people everywhere, and Christianity is no different. You may come across good Christians AND bad Christians, but you will notice the difference. You will be able to see where the difference lies. So, if there is someone you find you’ve “lumped” together with a majority, take another look. See what that person is really about. Give them a chance to show you who they are. And yes, you may not like what that person says, but at least you’ve given them the opportunity to show you that not everyone falls into the same category. You’ve given them a chance.

Stay safe and stay healthy

Until next time,

Inge

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This is a new day in a new year, and I’m sure that everyone out there hopes it will be a whole site better than this past year. We are still battling a once-in-a-century pandemic that has taken its toll on every living person. Yeah, saying “every living person” may be presumptuous, but unless you’ve been living under a rock (maybe the slugs DID escape it, but I highly doubt it!) you have been affected by Covid-19 in one way or another. And far too many have been affected by losing someone dear to them.

We had to celebrate all the holidays this past year in such a way as was never expected. Many are in a second lockdown, so celebrating was limited to members of the same household. Or, if you live alone, you turned to technology. Thankfully we do have technology that allows us to at least speak face to face. Can you imagine if you were living through the Spanish flu? No tablets or smart phones, laptops or computers. How ever did they manage? We are such a technologically-minded people that we can’t begin to fathom what that time period was like, or how they ever managed through it. Well, they did, and so will we.

There is nothing I can say to the people who have lost loved ones to this dreadful disease that will make this time any easier. Just that you have my sympathies, and my prayers. I say this with heartfelt sincerity. I can’t begin to imagine what you have been going through. The only glimmer of positivity that I can offer is that one day, you will learn how to live with this pain. Small comfort, isn’t it? But this hardship will pass with the passing of time.

To the people who aren’t in mourning, consider yourselves lucky. “WHAT?” you might be thinking. Yeah, I did say “consider yourselves lucky”. You didn’t have to make funeral arrangements, or agonize over not even being able to HAVE a funeral. You didn’t have to phone loved ones and friends to advise them of a loss that tears you apart. I’m not saying that life has been a “bowl of cherries” for you, but there is some positive you can be thankful for.

To the people who have suffered through this disease and have come out on the other side, I say “congratulations”. I’m not suggesting that everything is “hunky-dory” for you now, as even the doctors and specialists don’t know the long-term effects of this disease. But you can still be proud of yourselves for having beaten this immensely horrifying virus. May your recovery be more “up” times than “down” times.

To the people who care for us, doctors and nurses, police and paramedics, sales clerk and delivery drivers, and I’m sure many more who I am forgetting, I say a HUGE, HEARTFELT “THANK YOU”. We DO notice, and we DO care, and we ARE thankful. Words can’t describe what you mean to those needing the care and help.

Finally, I wish all of you a very Happy New Year. May 2021 be a year of recovery and blessings. May you all stay healthy and safe. May the Heavenly Father continue to hold you all in His hands as He guides us through another year of uncertainty and change. And may we all stay kind to one another as we share these blessings we do have with neighbour and friend.

Until next time,

Inge

Merry Christmas

Today is Christmas Day and for most, this is a very different Christmas than we’re used to. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still celebrate. For those of you who do celebrate Christmas and also celebrate the reason for Christmas, it doesn’t matter that you can’t have huge family get-togethers. Or ANY get-togethers for that matter. Christmas is not in the parties, or the huge meal, or family gatherings, or even getting super dressed up for the occasion. Christmas is in the heart and in the soul and in the spirit.

We can still share the love of Christmas with others. Thanks to technology, we can wish someone a Merry Christmas face-to-face, if not in person. We can stand on the front doorstep and wave to neighbours while wishing them a Merry Christmas. Or if you’re brave, singing good old-fashioned Christmas carols to those same neighbours. Just watch out for snowballs, depending on how good your voice is! Those who live in apartments can knock on a neighbour’s door, step back and give them a Merry Christmas hug – with your eyes. Think that’s strange? Well, maybe a little bit, but didn’t you know? Your eyes can smile while your face is covered with a mask. You can tell them that you are giving them a hug – even though it’s only in your heart at this point. For those that don’t have technology, there is still this archaic invention called – wait for it – the TELEPHONE. Although if your only means of communicating is via the telephone, you won’t be reading this little bit of advice. BUT . . . (don’t you know by now there is almost always a “BUT”!) . . . for the ones that aren’t computer savvy – or have no computer access at all – that’s what YOU”RE here for. Pick up the phone, call someone you know who isn’t as technologically inclined as you are, and surprise them. Especially someone that really wouldn’t expect to hear from you. And then listen carefully when you’re talking to them, for the voice also carries a smile.

Yes, this Christmas is different, but the reason for Christmas never changes. That reason is that we celebrate the birth of the Christ Child. Whether you are alone or in a family unit. Whether you have someone to call or are by yourself in every sense. Whether you get dressed up or stay in you jammies. None of that matters if you don’t know the real meaning behind the celebration of Christmas. I know that not everyone does celebrate Christmas, and I’m not trying to offend anyone here. Whether you celebrate or not, the real meaning behind Christmas will always be the birth of Jesus Christ.

So, whether you are alone or have someone around, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. May the hope and peace, the joy and love that embodies everything Christmas dwell with you and in you as well. May you know that you are never alone, even if your only connection is searching through the internet looking for something to tell you what this season is all about. You aren’t alone because there are many, many other people out there who think THEY are all alone, and whether you realize it or not, THAT holds people like you and me in a crazy kind of commissary. Try to find a chat room or comment on a blog (doesn’t necessarily have to be this blog) and let someone know that you think you are alone. You might be surprised at what you’ll find.

So once again, a very Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this – and those who don’t, although how I’m to get the Christmas wish to those who DON’T read this is beyond me. Unless I listen to my own advice (which seldom happens) and knock on my neighbours’ doors, smile through my eyes, and give them an “air” hug. If I can do it, believe me, so can you. Be safe one and all.

Until next time,

Inge

Christmas 2020

Hello everyone and Merry Christmas. We are now just a few days away from Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Albeit this year will be a far cry from other Christmas seasons we have seen. I must tell you that I just deleted an entire post that I was working on. I was trying to make people aware of something, but it ended up sounding just a “little” too depressing. Yes, we are in the midst of a pandemic still. Yes, we are limited to the amount of people we can have around us. And yes, our Christmas celebrations are – and will be – something we are not used to. (O.K., after having typed that, it too, is sounding more than a little depressing!!) But that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate. Whether alone, or amongst a family unit, the spirit of the season can still reside with you and within you.

What I wanted people to be aware of is this: if you are limited to your family unit and/or contact with just one or two other people, you are still very lucky. You may be feeling lonely and dispirited, but you still have someone – or a couple of “someones” – in your life. There are too many people out there that don’t have ANYONE in their lives to limit. These feelings that you’re feeling – these NEW feelings – of being alone, of despair, of having the Christmas season stifling you, are feelings that others have EVERY Christmas season. And these people always seem to get through somehow, and so will you. Maybe you’ll get through them a little wiser in having “felt” for the first time what others felt ALL the time. These feelings will not last. Be with the people you CAN be with. You can still laugh and talk and visit, just with a very much smaller group. Drop in on a neighbour when they don’t expect you – but don’t forget to wear your mask. Send a card to someone not expecting it. You’ll be amazed at the spark that will leave. Make a phone call, or a ZOOM call, to someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile. Maybe their smile will be contagious. Maybe YOURS will be the smile that’ll be contagious. You never know.

Then there are the people that have had someone in their lives taken by this virus. These people will have an empty chair at the Christmas dinner this year – sometimes TWO empty chairs within one family. This causes a loss that many of us can’t comprehend. No one knows what they are going through – unless you, too, have had someone taken from you, for whatever reason. This will be a difficult time for very many people. Some may get to the point of not even wanting to go on, let alone celebrate. To those people, I can just say “hold on”. Don’t let the despair and the loneliness win. Try to find that someone you CAN be around this Christmas. It’s definitely not good to spend this first Christmas without a loved one alone. Please. This feeling of loss will become bearable at some point – just hold on.

Christmas is supposed to be a joyous season. One with laughter, chuckles and smiles. There was so much this year to overwhelm us – and is still overwhelming us. Many are in another round of lockdowns to try to combat this horrendous virus. But the joy of the season isn’t on lockdown. The love of the season isn’t cancelled. The peace of the season isn’t quarantined. All these can still be felt somewhere, we just may have to look a little harder to find them. But find them we will.

Last but again, definitely not least, let’s remember what this season is really about, even though it is not “politically correct” to do so. Christmas is about celebrating the Christ Child. The birth of our Saviour. That miraculous and momentous occasion over 2000 years ago. Even though you may be alone, the Spirit of the Season will always be here. Just look up and ask Him to show you. The Heavenly Father will always be near, even when the feeling isn’t. Maybe ESPECIALLY when the feeling isn’t. You are not alone. If you don’t know the Story of the Christ Child, or if your faith is in something else, this Spirit that is Christmas, this Joy that is this Season, this Peace that surrounds, is still here for you to envelop – or to envelop you. It is this ‘Enveloping” that will see us through this and anything else that may come along.

May the Peace, Joy, and Spirit that is Christmas – that is CHRIST – be with us all. In this and through this, He will guide us to the other side.

Until next time,

Inge

Broken Trust

Have you ever trusted someone who has let you down and/or hurt you? If you are a member of the human race, the answer will most likely be in the affirmative. If the answer is no, then you are a rarity among us mere mortals.

This is not something we like to think about, let alone talk about. And we definitely do not want to admit it – sometimes even to ourselves. But life teaches us that we have little to say in the matters of broken trust. The thing is, the more your trust gets broken, the less and less you may be able to trust again. Oh, you may put on a brave front – continue to socialize, keep pluggin’ along this road called life, outwardly looking just fine. But what’s happening on the inside is where the problem manifests itself in many ways.

We can control our outward appearance – the smile when we’re sad; the laughter when we’re somber; the tears that laughter cause which are really tears of incredible sorrow. Every time someone breaks our trust, it gets that much more difficult to trust the next person – and the next, and the next – until you realize “OOOPS”, you’ve suddenly forgotten HOW to trust. This happens gradually, with every broken trust putting another brick into the wall around your heart. Gotta protect that heart of ours – or so we say. What happens to us if we don’t protect our heart? The pain can get to an overwhelming level. This pain is worse than any physical pain, which will eventually heal. This pain is on the emotional level and we all know that our emotions can lead us in some pretty awful directions. In this case, the road you’re travelling leads you towards isolation. You may not isolate yourself from actually talking to people – although too often that is exactly what happens. No, you just isolate yourself from CARING about people. You can talk to someone, listen to someone, advise someone – but you stop yourself from actually CARING. Why? Because pain is a great teacher.

The pain from broken trust – whether it be a minuscule issue or one of gigantic proportions – is something that one never forgets. And we are all hard-wired to keep our distance from anything that causes us pain. So, we run – metaphorically speaking, of course. If you are in shape, you may do your running in the physical sense as well. Although you find out the hard way that you can’t run away from the pain. This can be a pain that can literally bring you to your knees. You swear you can actually FEEL something break on the inside but you don’t know what. Until you realize it was your heart. That miserable organ that causes you to FEEL went “kaplunk”! What on earth were we thinking following this organ? Better to use your head, right? W-E-L-L-L, maybe not. If we get only our head involved, we may be missing out. But missing out on the breaking and the falling won’t be such a bad thing, you might say. No, missing out on that isn’t so bad, but take away the heart, what’s left? The sterile feel of logic, that’s what. Logic isn’t a bad thing to have, but using logic without the heart is so, um, BLAH, to be technical about it. There’s no joy, no fuzzy warm feelings, no smile that reaches the eyes. When you use your heart, you can literally FEEL IT from the inside out. It’s an amazing feeling. But, wait!! Weren’t we going to bypass that organ?

Guess what? Sometimes the heart gets involved before we realize it. Unless you’ve been hurt so bad that you intentionally keep your heart from Every. Single. Situation. If that’s the case, you’re in a bad way, my friend. If that’s where you’re at, you’ve been shielding your heart for so long you don’t know any other way. No one GETS in. No one SEES in. That’s final! If that’s where you are, ask yourself: when was the last time you laughed? I mean REALLY laughed. When was the last time you shared of yourself? I mean, you can share without getting personally involved, but is that really sharing? If you hold back a part of yourself, are you honestly doing the “sharing” thing? The walls are up; the eyes are shielded; the voice is even – all the time. You really don’t know any other way. But there is hope, even for people like us that forgot the meaning of words such as “share” and “laugh” and even “cry”. It’s not too late, really. You may have forgotten how to do those things, but you’re not a lost cause. It will take some serious work to get back onto this road called “living”, but you can do it. Just put one foot in front of the other. Give of yourself one bit at a time, slowly. You’ll begin to remember what it felt like to get really personal with someone. How to let laughter reach your eyes again. And you’ll surprise yourself at how much you missed it. It’s not in our DNA to be alone. And believe me!! Loneliness is all it’s cracked up to be. You may be saving yourself the hurt, but you’re also forgetting to LIVE.

What am I trying to say again? It’s not good to be an island. Yes, islands still exist, but that’s all you’ll be doing – existing. Remind yourself what it was like back when you felt alive. Not the pain, but the warmth. Then step out of the comfort zone of your existence and FEEL again. You can do it. It may be horrendously difficult at first, but don’t give up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you can’t get back on life’s road by yourself, go talk to someone. Your pastor, or doctor, or counsellor. There is no shame in seeking a helping hand. And again, last but definitely not least: pray. Put yourself into the Hands of Father God. He will be able to show you, too, how to start living again. Trust in that. Who do you think catches you when you fall? Who cries for you when you can’t cry for yourself? Father in Heaven sheds the tears you’ve forgotten how to shed. He will show you the way to go. And if you still need more help? Like I said, there is no shame in taking an earthly hand to help you turn the corner on the life road you’re on right now. It’s never too late. Don’t stay behind your wall. That’s not living. It’s existing. You were meant for more than that. Good luck and be safe.

Until next time,

Inge

The U.S. Election

Today is the Presidential election between Republican President Donald Trump and Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden. Whether you live in the States or not, you can’t help but be impacted by the goings on of this country. Or, if not impacted, then definitely intrigued.

I may live in Canada, but I have been tuning in every morning to the myriad articles describing the tumultuous presidency and the reaction of the American people. I have my own opinion of Donald Trump, which I have tried to stay clear from this site. All I will say is this: if anyone thinks the media is distorting the happenings, or the character of Donald Trump, then set aside all the media is saying. Take the man by what comes out of his own mouth. No media outlet needs to distort that. Donald Trump is his own worst enemy.

Having said that, I don’t envy the American people today. If you are against Trump, you get heckled and harassed by Trump supporters. If you are for Trump, the reaction is very much as strong. What I have seen is certain groups of people REACTING as opposed to DECIDING. I read of the incident where Trump supporters surrounded a Biden-Harris campaign bus, seemingly trying to run it off the road. And what does Trump do? Nothing but encourage behaviour like that. Trump called these people “patriots”. I’m all for letting your voice be heard, but not when it might endanger other people’s lives. And that brings me to the reason for this article.

Trump is very good at stirring up controversy – whether you’re for him or against him. Today is a very important day in the States. Probably more than anyone can really realize. Tensions have been high for weeks, and just increased the closer Election Day came. Well, it’s here now. Just because I’m Canadian doesn’t mean that I don’t care what is happening to our neighbours to the south. I can’t imagine, though, being intimidated and harassed just because you want your voice to be heard. Or running up against “voter intimidation”, like Trump has been inciting. People should be able to exercise their God-given right of freely choosing their elected officials without being watched over or harassed.

I’ve also read where businesses are boarding up their windows in case of reactionary fall-out; from Washington, D.C. to New York. If businesses are THAT worried, how much more so the average person? The States has already suffered through racially motivated protests, and the fall-out of that. For the most part, these were peaceful people, protesting racial injustice that is just wrong, plain and simple. But now there is the threat of protests during this most basic democratic process. Despite Trump’s encouragement of reacting against anything and everything not “Trump”, I have to believe that the human spirit – and humanity – can overcome the “reactionary gene” and behave in a well, “human” manner, taking care of those around us. Some might say that’s naive of me. Maybe so. But what happens when we stop believing this? You start down a dark road of confusion and fear. We are living in the “free world” and not in a “dictatorship”. People should not be afraid of opinions that don’t mirror their own. That’s what makes us human – a differing of ideas and opinions coming together in a reasonable manner. The key phrase being “reasonable manner”.

What am I trying to say in all this? I’m trying to let people know that they don’t have to react negatively to something or someone that differs from you. In the midst of these very strange and troubling times, you can still focus on your inner “human”. Opinions can differ without violence. Instead of intimidating, why not encourage. Instead of harassing, why not help. We are all members of the human race and even this shall pass, regardless of the results. Believe it or not, people are better than what Donald Trump is encouraging. Don’t just watch out for yourself, watch out for your neighbour; for the person next to you in line; for the people manning the polls; for the person walking toward you. Find your inner “human”. Show the next person a calm and peaceful demeanour. You might be surprised at how infectious and contagious such a quiet demeanour will be. And above all, BE SAFE! Take care of yourself, America, and take care of the next fellow, too. Good luck.

Until next time,

Inge