TEARDROPS

With a smile on your face
You meet and greet and talk.
While deep inside you’re running,
It’s not just a simple walk.
With hidden fear, you retreat behind a wall;
As you beg and you plead, “Don’t let them see my teardrops begin to fall.”

The smile remains, and with a laugh or two,
The joking manner somehow does overtake.
A facade; your alter-ego does emerge;
But that’s not you! What’s shown is a fake!
With unshed tears, you’re feeling rather small
As you beg and you plead, “Don’t let them see these teardrops fall.”

You seem to fend off blow after blow
With a laugh and a shrug and a turn of your head.
While somewhere, somehow, something deep down inside
Accepts yet another hurt, straight to the heart it had sped.
Is there not anyone who would take your call?
As you beg and you plead, “Don’t let them hear my teardrops fall.”

Life continues on, day in and day out;
As outwardly you blithely handle hurt after hurt.
No one really sees what you try so hard to hide
While a feeling of despair hits lower than the dirt.
Surrounded by people, they all roam down the hall
As you beg and you plead, “Don’t let them know how fast my teardrops fall.”

What is it that keeps you from sharing your woes?
Is it fear, is it pain? Is it sorrow or pride?
Are you so alone that you have not one soul
That will sit with you, chat with you, and not just hide?
Do you feel so alone, so tiny, so small
That you beg and you plead, “I can’t let these teardrops fall.”

When someone comes by, whether stranger or friend,
And asks with compassion, “What can I do?”
Maybe it’s time just to give a little glance
Of the person you hide, the person that’s true.
Round the corner, come from behind your wall
And then maybe ask, “Can I let my teardrops fall?”

Above all, there’s a Saviour, a Father and Friend,
That never forsakes you, there’s never an end
To the love, joy, compassion directed to you,
And there’s only one thing that you need to do:
Open your heart and your head, no more to stall;
And finally cry, “Now my teardrops can fall.”

Ingrid Ewikowski
October 24, 2020

I hope that you get the message in this poem that you don’t always need to keep your tears inside. All it takes is a small step forward, even though it might seem like a giant leap. To all those who don’t seem to have anyone to talk to remember: you don’t always need to hide your tears. They aren’t a weakness – they are cleansing.

Until next time,

Inge

“If I Knew Then What I Know Now”

I’m back! After repeatedly getting a blank page – both literally and figuratively – I’m back to my state of information overload.

How many times have you said the above phrase to yourself? In fairness, you have to be middle-age and/or hitting the senior mark to really know what the phrase actually means. No, I’m not “anti-young”, I’m just saying that to really know – and FEEL – the phrase, you have to have lived to a certain point in your life.

This is not an article about regrets – although I could write volumes on that subject. This article is about growing up. I know, I know. Some people don’t ever grow up, do they? And some people DO grow up, but remain young at heart. This article is also about gaining wisdom. Unfortunately, you need to live some in order to gain such wisdom.

When you’re younger, you think nothing is impossible. Sometimes the heart leads in the myriad decisions that have to be made. And as you know, the heart can get you into a LOT of trouble. And when at that impressionable age, you also think you know everything you need to. When you get the advice of your elders, the people who really KNOW what you’re going through, the one’s that know better, the one’s who have already gone through what you’re about to, you think they’re just “old fuddy-duddies” who don’t know what it’s like to be young anymore. The problem with that is, they DO know what’s it’s like to be young. They remember the same decisions you’re facing; the same hurts that you’re feeling, they’ve already felt; and the same confusion going through you, went through them, too. But you don’t see that. What you see is a restriction to life, a barrier to feelings, a lack of “fun” if you will.

Something you should know about the loved ones in your life who are trying to guide you. All they are trying to do is spare you the hurt that they themselves have suffered. The problem with that, though, is that pain is the best teacher of wisdom. If you’ve never felt pain, you’ve never felt the consequences of bad decision making. And if you’ve never felt the consequences, you’ve never learned the value of life’s teachings. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, they’ve already been where you’re going. THAT’S how they know what to say. They’ve already seen all the choices because the choices once belonged to them, too. And they see the head-on collisions you’re about to make. But get this: even though these people in your life have reached an age where wisdom is a part of them, even they are never too old to learn. What THEY learn is that EVERYONE must go through life and learn on their own. To grasp the lessons that life has to teach. So they stop trying to tell you which road to follow, which way to turn, what decision to make. THEIR teaching moment is learning that they can’t protect you from hurts. And that, perhaps, is the harshest lesson of all – and one of the deepest growing pains.

What am I trying to say? If you are one of the young ones reading this, remember: the people trying to guide you only want the best for you. They want to spare you the hurts and hurdles they, themselves, have gone through. They don’t want to see you fall where they fell; bang into the walls they’ve collided with; or hurt the way they, themselves, have been hurt. That’s all. It comes from a place of love and caring, not from a point of trying to control you. You can shrug off their advice, but don’t shrug off the love they’re trying to share. Not everyone may be as lucky as to have someone care enough about them to try to guide them. Try to remember that love, and maybe take the time to listen just a little. You never know what you might hear.

And if you are one of the ones that have reached a certain wisdom; have felt the lessons of life; have seen the consequences of choices; remember: what were you like at that age? I’m not saying don’t try to guide. I’m saying remember what you are learning at this moment: the wisdom you’ve gained came from some of the harshest lessons life threw at you. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t spare your loved ones from learning that same lesson. Don’t push too hard to steer these younger ones in a certain direction on life’s road. They don’t see it as help, they see it as hindrance. I’m not saying don’t try to advise them. I’m saying don’t harp too much. Love them. Guide them. And maybe most of all? Let them know YOUR mistakes; YOUR hurts; YOUR blunders. You’ve tried so hard to keep these young people from following the same path you did, but you don’t tell them WHY you are pressing. You can say “I’ve been through it” and leave it at that. Or, you can say “THIS is how I know. THIS is what I did” and “THIS is what happened”. We try so hard not to show any kind of weakness to the young people in our lives, but it’s that weakness that makes us human – especially in their eyes. Let them see that weakness. Let them feel your pain. You might be surprised. It might just be your pain and your vulnerability that gets through to them where all the advice you’ve given them has failed.

Remember: the road to wisdom is never an easy one. You’re never too young – or too old – to learn from life’s lessons. It’s what you do with those lessons that matters the most.

Until next time,

Inge

“You’re Just In A Bad Mood” – NOT!

Have you every been told that? Or maybe the one where you’re told to “just get over it”, how about that one? Or the one where people tell you to “just snap out of it” and/or “it will pass”. After hearing one or more of these, how many of you wanted to punch the person saying it? No, I’m not advocating violence! I’m just trying to convey a myriad of emotions that hearing any one of these statements can evoke in a person. Have you guessed what this article is about today? It is about something that no one likes to talk about or acknowledge. Many who suffer from it do so in a silence that is almost deafening. Others who are confronted with it in a conversation resort to one or more of the above statements, or try to uncomfortably shrug it off or laugh it off. I’m talking about depression. Something very real, very debilitating, and very isolating. Before I move on, I must again mention that I am not a medical professional in any capacity. My writings come from life itself, observations, and encounters throughout the years. Hang on to your hats, this is another “deep” journey – and another longer read!

If you’ve never suffered from depression, consider yourself extremely fortunate – and I mean EXTREMELY fortunate. Although in this day and age the topic of depression is not as “hush-hush” as it was when I was younger, it is still something no one likes to talk about. As in everything, there are differing degrees of depression ranging from being mildly “off” for a few days to being completely shut down from life. You’re not “weird” or “odd man out”. You’re not the exception to a rule of happy-go-lucky people. It doesn’t make you a “bad person”, either, if you find yourself in a depression. And despite what you may have heard, more often than not, you can’t just “snap out of it”.

For those of you that fall into the “extremely fortunate” category of never having had to deal with depression, let me try and explain to you just a tiny bit of what a person might be feeling – if I can. Depression is like a heavy blanket covering you so completely that it weighs you down almost to immobility. Try doing so. Find one of the heaviest blankets you have; pull it over your head and cover yourself so completely that no light can come sneaking in; and do so while standing up. Then try to make your way around your home. It’s literally pushing you down, making you stumble, or making you fall down completely. And that’s not all. Have you ever had “excited” butterflies in your stomach? Well, try butterflies that literally feel like they are slamming against your stomach trying to get out, but never can. These butterflies are not the excited type, but the panicked kind that just have to get out, butting against not only your stomach but your head and your arms and your legs, slamming over and over again with no signs of calming down, chasing you in ever-decreasing circles not knowing what to do in this moment, and the next, and the next. Sounds like a panic attack, doesn’t it? Yes, depression can send you into a panic. It can also leave you in so debilitating a state that you don’t even want to get out of bed. Have you ever wanted to just pull the covers over your head on a rainy day and let the day just slip away? Well, try waking up like that every single day of your life where all you want to do is stay in bed, under the covers, and not even face what to have for breakfast that morning. You don’t want to speak to anyone, see anyone, think about anyone or anything. You just try to blank your mind because the only thoughts in your head send you into an even deeper hole of despair. You don’t care if you get dressed. You don’t care if your place is a mess. You don’t care what you look like. You don’t care if you talk to another living soul. You either go to the extreme of not eating at all, or you go into “junk food overdrive” eating only ice cream, chocolate, cookies etc. (Sounds like a cliche but it’s very true.) The only path you see is a path leading you to even darker thoughts, darker places, darker feelings, with no sign of even a single glimmer of light. These darker thoughts lead you to an even darker place where the only “out” you see is the path to ending it all. Do you think I’m being dramatic? Not at all. This is very real, very painful, and very dangerous, especially if you cut yourself off from family and friends.

So, after such a brief and bleak description of depression, what do you do? There’s the rub – what DO you do? Sometimes you will be blessed with a very good friend that will sit and listen to you, comfort you, and bolster you up. If this is what helps you, go talk to just such a friend. Sometimes your state of mind is such that even the best of friends don’t know how to help, or you aren’t blessed with having a friend like that. Does that mean there’s no hope? Of course not. In such an instance, you need to seek help from your doctor. Don’t be ashamed to bring up the subject of depression. That’s what your doctor is there for. He might advise you to start taking some antidepressants, and that’s O.K., too. Do not feel like a failure if you need pharmaceutical help. That’s exactly what it’s there for. Your doctor will most likely also advise you to go seek professional help where your depression is concerned. You know what? That’s O.K., too, and the same thing goes here – don’t feel like a failure if you need to seek the advice and/or help of a counsellor or even a psychiatrist. That’s what we have them for. Last but by no means least, pray. I say that a lot, and I say it because it really does help. Seek comfort from the greatest Comforter of all, your Heavenly Father. He really can help with those butterflies, and even with the darker thoughts. And if you still need to see that counsellor or psychiatrist, please do so. Who do you think made all this medical help available? That’s right. The world’s greatest Counsellor ever. Also, and this is very important: don’t feel like you are failing as a Christian if you need to seek medical help. You are not letting God down or losing faith by doing so. As I just said, Who do you think made all this help possible? Counsellors and psychiatrists are trained to help you navigate this dark journey that you’re on. You are not failing as a Christian, nor are you failing God. It takes tremendous courage to go and seek help. The thought of opening up to some stranger can be a hugely daunting prospect. Remember this also: you most likely will not be able to navigate this journey in one or two, or even three, appointments. It may be a very long journey, but a journey that will show you that sliver of light at the end of your very dark tunnel.

In conclusion, I would like to mention one more thing. If you are confronted by a person seeking someone to talk to – please listen, and do so without condemnation and/or censure. A great deal of the time, that is just what a person is looking for – a compassionate shoulder and a sympathetic ear. They won’t be looking for that one grand solution; they won’t be looking for you to “fix” them; they don’t need to hear “you’ll get over it” or “it will pass”; they just need you to listen – really listen. Is that so hard to do? Sometimes all that person needs is to voice out loud the turmoil within. And if that is all a person needs to veer off the path of darkness, is that such a burdensome thing to do? Whether a trusted friend comes to you, or a stranger begins to open up to you, be that shoulder they can lean on and that voice of compassion they are so in need of. You may not ever know how you’ve changed the life of that someone who comes to you to talk – but change that life you will. Make sure it will be a change towards the light rather than a continued travel into darkness. Even if you don’t remember the person who spoke to you, please know that the person will remember you. Make sure you’re remembered with fondness and a smile rather than with sadness and a frown.

Take care, be safe, and

Until next time,

Inge

Nothing Has Really Changed

Hello, again – after a bit of a break. Have you wondered what we would be talking about if this virus wasn’t happening? You guessed it. Today’s article is about Covid-19. I think that this bears mentioning, even if it is repeating what should be the obvious. I might sound a mite “miffed” in this one so, once again, h-e-e-r-r-e we go!

The world is coming awake after the “slumber” that was forced upon us – and doesn’t it feel glorious! We’re coming out of the four walls we’ve been bouncing off; we see other people besides immediate family – for those that have family; for those that DON’T, we’re seeing other faces besides the one in the mirror. Although society has changed, it’s still nice to smile at people, even if it is under your mask – for those of you wearing a mask. And therein lies the crux of this article.

Although we may know just a tad more about the virus, we are still in the learning stage at this point – at the REALLY STILL LEARNING stage. We listen to healthcare specialists giving advice on how to protect ourselves and others – and then we ignore them?!?! That’s exactly what a lot of people are doing. We must remember that other than a few preventative measures, nothing has really changed. HUH?!? NOTHING?!?! That’s right! NO-THING. Has. Changed! We still don’t have a vaccine; the virus is still extremely contagious; we still need to adhere to the advice that healthcare specialists are giving us. Unfortunately, there are people out there who think that because we are opening up the country again, that everything is fine now. NOT!! You have the chance to limit your risk, but you MUST LISTEN! The young people are climbing the walls, hence they are flouting what they are being told to do. There are those who say: “It’s my right to refuse the advice” and/or “Nobody has the right to tell me what to do and how to act”. O.K. Let’s look at your “rights” as it were.

Yes, you have the right to refuse advice, but do you have the right to put others at risk when doing so? What about others’ rights to stay safe and healthy? Do you have the right to endanger their lives? If you really think about it, you might realize you don’t. We’ve heard it all before, I know. How flouting this advice is being selfish. Well, guess what? It is selfish. Just because hackles might be raised because someone is telling you how to live, that does not give any of us the right to put others at risk. How about the right of nobody telling you what to do? Well, let’s think about that one. The advice being given is for YOUR health and safety. So, why would you not want to follow it? I’m not just picking on younger people. There are adults out there who are doing the same thing. Not wearing a mask; not following physical distancing; not following the arrows in the supermarket (THAT one in particular is a pet peeve of mine.) What’s the big deal? If you know how to drive on a one-way street, you can maneuver your shopping cart down a one-way aisle. And if you don’t drive, you can still tell the difference between arrows pointing up or down – can’t you?

I know that this is sounding rather “preachy” today, but it’s for a good reason. People, we all need to work together throughout this pandemic. It really won’t work if we’re all of a mind to be “out for myself”. This virus is everyone’s problem. Yes, we do have the right to “look out for ourselves”, but we should be looking out for each other as well. Covid-19 has no rules. It will ravage the young and healthy just as quickly as the elderly and infirm. No one is safe from this unless we adhere to public health guidelines. Even then, we might still get it. Scary thought, yes, but you can LESSEN the chance of getting it.

Let’s remember that we are all on the same side – the side of stopping the virus. I know. Short of a vaccine, we are all still vulnerable, and THAT’S why you need to look out – for yourself, your neighbour, and the people you may be encountering. Let’s remember we are ALL of one race – the HUMAN RACE. (NOTE: this comment is not meant to denigrate anyone of a specific race – we are ALL human and therefore belong to each other.) So, let’s remember to wear a mask. Let’s remember to physically distance. And let’s follow ALL the advice the health care specialists are handing out. It’s for your own good. Stay safe. Stay healthy. And stay kind to one another.

Until next time,

Inge

Walls or Bridges

Another lengthy article, but again, I think this just might be another one worth reading. I was reminded the other day about the difference between building walls and building bridges – beyond the obvious, of course. We can all see the physical differences, of course. You build a wall, you try to go through it and BANG (and/or OUCH!) you run right into it. A bridge, however, is something you travel over to the other side – no matter where the bridge, it is something you cross to get from “here” to “there”. Did you know that everyone has the capacity to build walls and bridges? No? Well, we do – but not physically. I’m talking about mental and/or emotional walls and bridges. Hang on to your hats, this article’s a doozy – and it will make you think – AND feel. Ready? Here we go.

Even if we don’t physically build walls or bridges, their meaning is relatively the same. One causes you to stop short on your journey, creating a “block”, and the other creates the ability to journey to the other side of something. Where one signifies a journey interrupted by an obstacle (wall), the other signifies a journey from point “A” to point “B” (bridge).

When you have something happen in your life that requires you to deal with it – or drive yourself insane – you have a choice at this point of whether you will build a wall or build a bridge. There are myriad scenarios that require you to do this and you will find opportunities galore as you journey through life. These scenarios can range from a trifle irritating to downright excruciating pain. How the future will unfold depends entirely on how – and what – you build in order to deal with your pain. And usually, the deeper the agony, the higher the wall or the longer the bridge. However, the choice is yours.

When you are going through something so agonizing that you wonder if you’ll ever survive it, all you want to do is get to the other side. But sometimes we never do reach that other side. Your world has shattered again, and yet again, it is left up to you and you alone to deal with it. Sometimes when you think you’re dealing with it, you’re actually only tamping it down – and down, and down, and down – so long as you get rid of this agony, right? Wrong. Even though survival instincts are to avoid pain, when you can’t avoid it, the next best thing is to get rid of it as quickly as possible any way you can, so long as it’s gone – or so you think. However, by tamping down the pain, you’re actually building a wall brick by brick just so you won’t have to feel said pain anymore. By pushing the feelings away – and not dealing with them – you’re actually adding height to the wall. By ignoring them, you’re actually thickening that same wall. Granted, you may not even realize you’ve built a wall until some point in the future – usually when something similar happens and you’re confronted by that same pain and those same choices. When that happens, you’re astounded at yourself because you thought this had been dealt with once and for all, only to realize the time was spent building a wall instead of a bridge. Walls create a barrier, not clear access.

Even if it’s unfair that the onus is on you to deal with a situation, you don’t want to build that wall. Walls have a tendency of crashing down, usually when you least expect it. Either that, or you’ll become so adept at building walls that you find emotions and feelings have frozen. Yes, you still laugh, but it’s a guarded laugh. Yes, you can still joke, but you find the humour is more sarcastic than hilarious. Yes you can still converse with people, but you don’t share YOURSELF. You find that with the wall, you’re on one side, and the world is on the other, with no clear path back to that world of the living. Walls are barriers to more than just the journey you are on at the moment. They have lasting consequences. That’s why you need to build a bridge.

Bridges signify going from point “A” to point “B” as I stated above. You begin at the point of betrayal; at the greatest point of pain; at the deepest, bloodiest part of the cut – and slowly make your way over to serenity; to calm; to acceptance. THAT’S what a bridge can do for you. It can give you a permanent way OUT, not just a temporary pause. It won’t be pretty. You’ll have to acknowledge some pretty wicked emotions. You’ll battle the feelings of frustration and unfairness. The pain can seem unbearable, but you know what? You’ll find you WILL be able to bear it, step by step. You might even be bombarded with feelings of hatred towards the perpetrator of your pain. You’ll be able to master that too, so that the ugly ramifications of hatred won’t affect you anymore. And as you cross this bridge you’ve built at such high cost, you’ll find that the strength that seemed so far away at the beginning is gradually increasing with every step you take to the other side.

In conclusion, I’m going to repeat two things which I’ve mentioned in other articles. The first is this: if you find you’re having trouble dealing with something traumatic, ask for help. There is no shame in admitting that you need someone to help you build this bridge you want to cross. As a matter of fact, it takes a lot of courage and strength to admit you can’t do it alone. And second – and what I think is the most important: pray. Seek guidance from the Lord; ask God for His strength and peace. God does not like to see His children in pain, and He can grant you a peace to your soul that nothing can surpass. All you have to do is turn to Him, and trust Him. Remember, it’s up to you how your future will unfold – a future of walls, or a future of bridges. Your choice.

Until next time,

Inge

Isn’t This BACKWARDS?!

I wrote in the article “Another Side Effect of Covid-19” about how you might be feeling claustrophobic and more than a little agitated in this day and age of requiring to stay indoors; not being able to even visit a neighbour; and the unbelievable changes in ordinary tasks – like going grocery shopping and going to the bank. There are some of you out there that know exactly of what I’m talking about.

So! We are now beginning to “open up” our country and our provinces. So what’s the problem? Are you finding that your stomach is clenching a little more tightly than even in the lockdown? Are you finding yourself a little bit more nervous now that life is beginning to find this “new normal” everyone is talking about? Are you asking yourself “What’s going on”? I think I might be able to enlighten some. Remember, I’m not a medical professional in any capacity. My “wisdom” so-to-speak comes from life and observation.

There is a danger in this era of isolation to people who have a tendency to withdraw into themselves in times of stress and confusion. A coping mechanism, so-to-speak. That danger is trying to crawl back OUT of yourself once the crises have passed. Trying to rejoin the world of the living can feel like a daunting task, can’t it? Hence the title “Isn’t This Backwards?!” Aren’t you suppose to feel good that this lockdown is over? Well, where others may be elated at being able to go out again, you may be feeling hesitant. Where others feel joy at being among people again, albeit with a face mask, you might be feeling trepidation. Other people can’t wait to begin living again, where you aren’t sure what that means anymore. The thought of going out is causing you more stress than the thought – and fact – of staying in did. What’s going on?

Well, these feelings are very real – and very intimidating. There is no point in trying to ignore them because doing so just adds more stress into your life. You need to embrace them. “Are you nuts?!” you might say. “Have you lost your mind?!” you might be thinking of me. No, I”m not nuts – well, maybe a little, it helps in these crazy times. Nor have I lost my mind – although it does go on vacation sometimes. No, this is something you need to handle if you’re going to get back into the swing of things. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, as long as you don’t let these feelings overwhelm you and cause you to withdraw even more into yourself. The fact that this is not the same world before isolation can in itself be a daunting thought. You don’t know what you’ll be facing. Can you really interact with people again? Yes. Will it be that different? Yes, again. Where you were able to smile at a passing stranger, well, that smile won’t be seen under the mask. However, you can still say “good morning” and/or “good afternoon”. You might have to say it a little louder than normal, but you can still say it. And your eyes can smile. Yes, they can!!

What you must realize is that everyone has the strength within themselves to conquer anything. Yes! Even you!! These feelings may not be the “norm” for everyone, but they are the “norm” for you. Recognize that and don’t put yourself down. Give yourself a “talking to” – it might be the funniest conversation you’ve had in a long time!! No, seriously, tell yourself that everything is O.K. Try to remember who you were BEFORE the lockdown and covid-19. That person is still there. You might have to wake yourself up again, but you’ll find that person again. If you are blessed to have good friends, lean on them. You might be surprised at how understanding they really are. And most of all, say a prayer before you venture out for the first – or second, or third, or ninth – time. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – our Heavenly Father knows all and sees all. He can comfort you when you’re anxious; He can calm you when you feel out of control; He can put that spring back in your step. And if all else fails, see your doctor or a counsellor. There is no shame in needing some help to get started again despite what you may think – or hear! All of us need help at some point in our lives. The hardest part is recognizing when – and to ask for it.

In conclusion, remember: you ARE strong enough, and brave enough, and courageous enough, to muddle through and find what YOUR new normal will be. Be patient with yourself. I know, patience isn’t one of my strong suits either. ALL of us could use a little more patience: with ourselves AND with others. Don’t let anyone tell you that there is something wrong with you, because there isn’t. It just might take you a little longer to navigate life again. And you know what? That’s O.K., too.

Until next time,

Inge

Forgiveness

This is a lengthier post than usual, but I think it’s worth the read. All of us at some point or another have been on this journey, or are still on it. Be assured, I belong to both categories – having completed one journey while still trying to complete other journeys. Unfortunately, there are more unfinished journeys in my life than finished.

Everyone knows – or at least has heard – that it is unhealthy for you not to forgive someone. The person most affected by unforgiveness is the person unwilling – or unable – to forgive. The problem with forgiveness is that it involves two parts of the human body and spirit that are very much a part of us – the head (logic) and the heart (feeling), and these two parts are sometimes on a collision course, especially where forgiving a person is concerned. I’m not talking about forgiving someone for bumping into you or for a slip of the tongue or for jumping off the wall at words that should never have slipped out – although forgiving someone for these things is also necessary. I’m talking about harsh treatment and/or cruel actions that scar the very soul. As stated above, I have taken this journey – and, I am still on the journey, too.

Sometimes the injustices and cruelty levelled our way is beyond comprehension or reason, especially when you can’t figure out what it is you ever did to deserve such treatment. Nonetheless, such treatment was levelled your way and now it is left up to you to deal with it. You can live with it and go about your merry way, not dealing with it. You could stew in it and drive yourself crazily in circles trying to figure this out. You could plot revenge – although sometimes this will put a smile on your face, so long as it stays only in the “plotting” stage. There are several choices you could make. The final one, and the BEST one is: YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT. How? That’s the tricky part. But there is one other thing to consider. There is something in the Bible in Matthew 6:14-15 that bears reading – and understanding. This is from the Amplified Bible Translation and I have never heard it (forgiveness) more accurately explained:

Matthew 6: 14-15: 14) “For if you forgive people their trespasses (their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment) your Heavenly Father will forgive you.” 15) “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses (their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment) neither will your Father forgive you.”

This explains quite nicely what exactly forgiveness must entail regarding the actions fired your way: “leaving them”, “letting them go”, “GIVE UP RESENTMENT” (caps added). Sounds intimidating – and impossible – doesn’t it? It also mentions “THEIR reckless and willful sins”, (caps added) in describing the actions of the perpetrator(s) involved, not YOUR actions. There is another thing to remember: by forgiving someone, you are NOT saying that what they did was O.K. by any stretch of the imagination. This is one that I had – and still have – real trouble with. How can it not infer that when you forgive someone that you’re actually saying “O.K., no big deal”; and “It’s alright”; and “Everything’s hunky-dory”. You might THINK it infers these things, but that is not the truth. Never is it “no big deal” or “alright” or “hunky-dory” to receive injustices and/or cruelty! So, the head understands this, but how do you get your heart to follow? THAT’S the hardest part. Guess what? You can’t do it alone, nor do you have to. WHAT? Who other than yourself – and the perpetrator(s) – has involvement here? Your Heavenly Father and mine, that’s who.

In all the chaos of mind and body, heart and soul, He can help you meander your way through the path to forgiveness. Even with His help, it will not be easy. There is a lot of emotional pain and scarring, not to mention your memory hangs on a great deal longer than you would want it to. (Oh, no!! Not yet ANOTHER part of ourselves that needs to be conquered on this journey?!?! YUP!) The best way to travel said journey is one step at a time. Don’t look at the final destination; just look what’s in front of you at the moment. Step by step your feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, agony and defeat, frustration and helplessness, can be conquered. And once conquered, forgiveness will finally be possible. These are NOT meaningless little feelings. They overwhelm the soul and confuse the body, making it seem that all you’re doing is running in circles and running into walls. THAT’S why you need to put your hand into the Heavenly Father’s – He can help you sort out all these feelings and emotions. AND He can help you conquer them. Didn’t you know that when you cry, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit cry with you? He hurts when you do and wants to see you whole.

Sometimes there are actions that are so heinous and unspeakable that you might need earthly help along with Father’s. That is nothing to be ashamed of. God put doctors and counsellors on this earth to help us. There’s nothing and no-one who should be putting you down for needing that kind of help and support. Sometimes it’s the only way. The point is that you travel your own road to forgiveness, ultimately reaching your destination. When you finally do reach that destination, there will be such a weight lifted off you that you might wonder why you didn’t do this sooner. I repeat what I said earlier: forgiving someone is NOT saying what they did to you is alright. This is a journey you go on for the sake of yourself and your peace of mind: THAT’S your destination, nobody else’s.

In conclusion, remember what it said in Matthew 6:15: “But if you do not forgive . . . neither will your Father forgive you.” Remember, your sins have been forgiven, can’t that mean you can forgive, too? I, myself, have a long way to go, but my head does tell me that, as hard as it is, we MUST forgive. For if we don’t, WE’LL never be forgiven, either. DEFINITELY not an easy thing to do. No matter what the head says, the heart has its own journey to go. But if we lean on Him; walk with our Lord on this journey to forgiveness; ask for HIS help in reconciling the wrongs done to us; seek His Love in conquering resentment, pain, and frustration; then we can be safe in knowing we are forgiven also. Isn’t this worth the seemingly impossible journey?

Until next time,

Inge

The Other Unsung Heroes

With provinces and countries now relaxing restrictions, and trying to create that “new normal” that everyone has been talking about, we still need to be grateful of all the people who have been – and still are – working on the so-called “front lines”. However, in all the mentioning of these workers – doctors, nurses, grocery workers, essential service providers – there is an area that seems to be missing. Don’t get me wrong – all these vital areas deserved – and still deserve – our gratitude, thoughts and prayers. This article is about a certain area that seems to be forgotten – or taken for granted – or both.

For people who live in apartments, condos, rental properties and so forth, when something goes wrong, all you have to do is pick up the phone and voice your concern or complaint and, voila, someone will appear to remedy the situation. I’m talking about the maintenance men and women who, despite this pandemic, come and rectify everything from a broken toilet to broken pipes; from burnt out lightbulbs to bumbling boilers. They quietly come and listen to the gripes of the tenants and residents while patiently fixing whatever ails. Despite restrictions on visitation and the lockdowns of dozens of other businesses and services, they come in their new uniform of face masks and face shields – a uniform that cannot be at all comfortable while climbing ladders and crawling under sinks – and do their best to remedy the problems of the day.

These men and women end up taking the brunt end of our frustrations and complaints when being completely innocent of having created said frustrations and complaints. They get yelled at, snapped at, growled at and condescended to – and sometimes from the exact people who employ them. To me, this is more than a little unfair and uncalled-for. Their only crime? Picking up the duties of the day and/or week. As residents, we get frustrated with things that go wrong, especially in this time of rules and restrictions. But is it really fair to take it out on the people who are just trying to do their jobs? Of course not. We need to remember that these maintenance men and women are here to help us, and they can only do so to the best of their ability. They are not miracle workers – well, some may be if we consider a few of the problems facing them – they are just human beings willing to serve the residents and tenants of their respective complexes. And the majority of them do so willingly and with a smile on their face – even though you may not see that smile under the face mask. Sometimes even smiling under the mask can be difficult with all that they’re bombarded with, but smile they do nonetheless.

What am I getting at? Well, if you are such a person that relies on maintenance men and/or women, try to remember that they’re only human – with human feelings and failings. Instead of griping when you see them, how about greeting them with wishes for a grand day? If you can’t see a smile, give them one of your own. Let them know that despite the complaints, despite the conundrum, and despite the confusion, you know they’re doing the best they can. You would be amazed at the difference that can make in a person’s day. Just think of how you would feel if all you ever hear are complaints and grumblings. Being thanked for their service and inquiring about their day for a change can make all the difference in whether or not you see that smile. Let’s remember that our maintenance men and women are human beings, too, and treat them as such. Not only will THEY feel better, but you will, too.

Until next time,

Inge

The Person Within

Everyone has heard the saying “beauty is only skin deep”, which implies that how a person looks is just “surface” and therefore we should see beyond the surface beauty and/or “plain-Jane” looks. Well, there is another “surface sight” if-you-will, that is prone to snap judgements and mis-judgements. “What have we missed now?” you might be wondering. Well, this will take some introspection on your part; introspection that causes you to be honest with yourself. Hang on to your hat – here it comes!

What is the first thing you think of when you see a person who needs a mobility aid like a cane, or a walker, or even permanent crutches – but isn’t a senior. This “senior” comment comes from a stereotype that of course seniors will need some help staying mobile. Now don’t bristle at that comment, I do know that not everyone might think that, just as I know all seniors might not need that kind of help. What I’m talking about is if you see someone who is NOT a senior, but still requires a mobility aid. Ask yourself – and this is where being honest comes in – would you take the chance to get to know this person? Would you feel uncomfortable being seen with someone who is young and needs a walker and/or a cane? What about this? You’ve signed up with one – or more – of the matchmaking sites, see someone you would like to get to know, but then you find out there’s more to them than the profile and picture show. Would you want to be seen with a potential mate that needs such aid(s)?

What everyone needs to remember is that this is just “surface” as well. A person is not defined by their outward appearance – just like they are not defined by their beauty, or lack thereof. This is just a fact of life for people who have some form or another of disability. “Disability”. That’s a stigma in itself to have to live with. The term “disability” is almost as much of a hindrance to people as the aids that they need to stay mobile. Do you immediately balk when someone says they are disabled? Without even getting to know that person?

People with disabilities are human beings, too. A lot of them contribute to society; they go to work; they volunteer; or, they may be unable to do anything for one reason or another. What is your first thought when someone tells you that they are “on disability”? Does your “snap judgment” gene kick in? Or do you actually see past the words, past the aids, past the stigma – and want to get to know that person. You might encounter a bit of resistance, though, in the beginning. Can you guess why? They may have been hurt once too often; taken one too many chances on someone; been put down one too many times. Their “person within” is on guard. Can you see past that, too? Can you see past the guards that have been put up because of the snap judgements that have been made? You never know. This person might surprise you. You might be the one to find their warmth, their sense of humour, their intelligence. You might find a new friendship beginning. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you might find yourself a mate. The point is, you don’t know WHAT – or WHO – you will find if you don’t give the person a chance. We ALL have this “person within” that is kept guarded, kept safe, kept secure. You don’t have to be a person with disability to want to hide the real “you”. The person you see with a mobility aid just has that extra hurdle to get over; has hidden their “person within” a little deeper; which makes it much more difficult to get to know them. Guess what, though? It might be worth it! You’ll never know unless you jump in. But don’t jump in “head first”, as the “thinking” part of you (your head) might talk you out of it. Just “jump in” period! You might be surprised what happens when you don’t over-think things.

In conclusion, ponder this: the next time you see someone with a walker, a cane, crutches or some other mobility aid – look at the PERSON. Really SEE that person. Strike up a conversation. Ask them how they’re doing. And, REALLY LISTEN. Listen for signs of their person within. Give them the chance to show you what’s been hidden out of a necessity to survive. It might be the beginning of something wonderful. You’ll never know unless you press onward.

Until next time,

Inge

“Mothers” Part Three

For everyone with a mother’s heart.

The smiles and the laughter, the sighs and the tears,
Reveal the hope and the love, anxiety and fears.
Can one woman feel all this and more
For the one tiny being that her body bore?

Beneath her heart this miracle did grow,
Causing the highest of high and the lowest of low.
The feelings that came are all a’jumble,
Afraid to fail and cause to stumble.

For nine months mom thinks, and she wonders:
“Am I ready for this, or will I go under?”
“Will I know how to laugh? Will I know how to love
This precious child, this gift from above?

Before she knows it, this child breaks free
Of the womb that sheltered it, so she can see:
See that she’s ready? Oh, no, not at all.
How will she manage? How not to fall?

Years down the road she remembers the start;
With a smile on her lips and a tug on her heart.
She never would have guessed of that small child,
How upside down life could get, or how wild.

She feels the strong love that still grows every day,
Amidst all the fracas, the troubles, the fray.
So many failures, but so much success
Crowds through the memories; oh, it’s quite a mess!!

The child now a mother who looks on tenderly
While grandma and grandchild eye one another pensively.
This child, who now wonders, “Will I be like Mom?”
“Will I know how to laugh, to love, and have fun?”

You see, the child learns from the life of the mother;
An influence so profound, it’s like no other.
Mistakes will be made, how else can you learn
That the love of the child is something you earn.

A mother sees clearer when her child’s child is born.
She sees her mistakes and then becomes torn.
Will the child learn from the mistakes of the mother;
These mistakes that can tear at the heart like no other!

Then she looks closely in the child’s eyes
And sees all the love, the wonder and surprise.
The mother finally realizes, “I did my best
To pass on the love and all the rest.”

As much as the mother doesn’t want to let go,
With bittersweet pangs, oh, how she does know:
A child no longer but mother is she,
With all that I gave her, this child IS me!

written by Ingrid Ewikowski
May 10, 2020

Until next time,

Inge