“Mothers” Part Two

Today, being Mother’s Day, brings bittersweet thoughts and memories. I published this poem once before, but it seems to be appropriate to do so again, seeing what day it is. The most unselfish gift a mother can give their child is a home of safety, of love, of sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice comes in the form of giving that child to a family that is better able to care for it in a way that you are unable to do at this point in your life. I hope you see the two different types of “mother” in “My Legacy to Life”.

Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone;
Both I carried craddled beneath my heart.
One I love in life – the other is loved through memory,
But both I love equally and fiercely.
One looks upon me with loving & trusting eyes,
While the other looks upon another.
Yet both remain forever a part of my heart, of my soul.

One is with me in body – the other in spirit.
One I cry with – the other I cry for.
One brings to my life sunshine, laughter and love;
The other brings to my life a deep longing.

Both make their footprints upon this earth;
One with me – the other without me.
One continues to touch me with his presence;
The other with her absence;
and I continue to learn from both.

One is with me day & night, the other is with me no more,
Yet bothe are deeply of my life, of my heart, of my soul.
I may have given life to both,
. . . but both have returned life to me.

Would that the world could feel a tenth
of what he and she have given me.

written by Ingrid Ewikowski
March 4, 1996

Until next time,

Inge

“Mothers” Part One

Today is Mother’s Day (May 10, 2020) and I am writing this as both a daughter and a mother. This is a longer article than most, but there are several versions of “mother” to talk about. Today millions of mothers around the world will be honoured, loved, and some – ignored. Not a word you expected to see when thinking of mothers on Mother’s Day, is it? Unfortunately, though, it is a very real word directed at many mothers, along with love and honour.

Thinking of Mother’s Day inevitably gets you thinking of your childhood and the impact your own mother had on you. If you were very lucky, you had a mother who cared for you emotionally as well as physically. You might think that the two are inevitably linked, but they’re not. A child can have their physical needs met – food, clothing, shelter – and not have their emotional needs met for one reason or another. Maybe your mother didn’t know HOW to show you love and warmth. Maybe your mom didn’t have a good role model in her own mother. There are many reasons why a mom is incapable of showing love – past pain, deep scars, or perhaps you weren’t planned and came along as an “oops”. Harsh wording? Yes, but straight to the point. In this day and age a woman who gets pregnant has several options, the worst one is having the pregnancy terminated. But perhaps, during the time your mom became pregnant with you, that option wasn’t available. Perhaps that option went against your beliefs. Perhaps she went through with the pregnancy out of a sense of duty. Only your mom knows the real reason, and, if you’re really lucky, you had the opportunity to sit and talk with her about what went on. The problem? Children have a knack of sensing love, but they also sense rejection. And for a child to feel unwanted just extends the cycle of not showing love and caring. Or does it?

You yourself have felt the distance of a mother instead of the love. You were told “I love you” but you FELT something different. Maybe you didn’t even hear the words “I love you”. So, does that mean the cycle is doomed to be repeated? Definitely not. You can take all the love, all the blessings, all the cherishing, and put them towards your own child. Just because YOU didn’t experience them, doesn’t mean your child has to. Being a mom is the greatest gift – and the biggest miracle – a woman can experience. Another human being grows under your heart. You love this child before you even see its face. You vow to show your child the love it deserves, as well as making sure he/she HEARS the words. But, (don’t you know there is always a “but”?) carrying a child beneath your heart doesn’t necessarily mean you will be raising that child as well. Sometimes the greatest love you can show your child is to gift a woman who is incapable of carrying her own child beneath her heart. One of the biggest hurts a woman can experience is being told she will never have any children of her own. If you are young and unable to care for your child for one reason or another, you can show the unselfish love of a mother and make sure your child has all that you can’t give it. Carrying a child does not automatically make you a “mother”, just as NOT carrying a child makes you motherLESS. There are different varieties of “mother”: “grandmother”, “step-mother”, “adopted mother”, “sister”, “aunt” – just to name a few. But what happens if the child you bore; the child you loved; the child you raised; wants nothing to do with you? A mother can feel no greater pain than to know her child is out there, but wants nothing to do with her.

I’m not talking about mothers that abused their children. Abusing a helpless child is an unforgivable act and the best thing for that child is distance from said abuser. I’m also not talking about the “perfect” mother. Is there really such a thing? Every mother will look back and see the imperfections and mistakes made when raising her child. No one is perfect. But what do you do when you tried your best, and then, because of outside influence, your child decides not to want you in their life? A child will always be a part of a mother’s heart, and the absence of that child is like that piece of your heart is missing. When Mother’s Day roles around, you’re reminded of that absence and it’s a pain like no other. You’ve tried, and still the hole is not filled. It is an emptiness deeper than the deepest well, leaving you with no choice but to raise a wall around your heart to protect you from all the other mothers who get phone calls, flowers, cards, and/or visits. If you are just such a mother, remembering the years of love and closeness you shared with your child before the cruelty of the world took him/her away from you can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand you remember the laughter, the joy, the trust implicit in such a young child. On the other hand, remembering just that brings on an emptiness that can’t be filled.

So, where does that leave you? In survival mode. Just remember: as you are in this “survival mode”, don’t close yourself off completely. Maybe there is another child who doesn’t have a mother and needs comforting and a shoulder to cry on. Maybe you can hold a baby and make sure this baby feels your love. Don’t hide everything behind that wall of survival. It’s a very lonely place to be.

In conclusion, whatever definition of “mother” applies to you, I hope you have a blessed day today filled with warm memories of one sort or another. Remember, there is One who sees your heart – He sees your pain as well as your love, He FEELS that same pain that wrenches your heart. Your Heavenly Father can heal you and bless you. And He will do so to whatever form of “mother” you are celebrating today.

Until next time,

Inge

FAMILY

What is a “family” really? Well, the “official” definition according to the On-Line Dictionary is as follows: 1) a group of parents and children living together in a household; 2) all the descendants of a common ancestor; and 3) a group of related things.

Somehow these definitions don’t quite sum up the meaning behind the word “family”. They seem cold and limited. Family is sometimes more of a FEELING than a pat definition. The word can evoke a feeling of warmth, or it can evoke a feeling of desolation and want. Take the first definition: “A group of parents and children living together”. This is one definition that can safely cover 99.9% of people. Someone gave birth to us, hence we have a “mother” – everyone falls into this category. You can’t be conceived without a certain donation (trying to keep this within the PG rating!), which gives you a “father”. Now, these two words – “mother” and “father” – I use very loosely at the moment. There is an entire series of blogs to delve deeper into “mothers” and “fathers. Let’s just stick with “family” for this one.

Another definition of “family” can be anyone who is related to you by blood. We have all heard the saying “Blood is thicker than water”, implying that “family” ties are a strong bond shared. That, too, can be refuted. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word? What do you feel? Do you remember your family with warmth, or do you cringe at the word? Do you share a closeness with the people in your family, or are you wondering what it feels like to have that closeness which is implied by the word? A barrage of questions issued to delve into the heart of YOUR “family”.

Having “blood relations” does not guarantee you the closeness of a family. You can be together and wonder “where is the warmth I’m suppose to feel?” Or “Where is the friendship of a sister or brother?” You might also be thinking “What does it REALLY mean to have a mother? A father?” If you ARE asking questions like these, it’s safe to assume that family closeness doesn’t exist – otherwise the questions wouldn’t be asked! But you know what? A family that’s “messed up” is more the norm than a “close-knit” family. I bet you thought you were the only one with a weird family dynamic, hmm? You may come from a broken home, or have been raised by only one parent or the other. Or, you may not have even been brought up by your parents – or even grandparents. THAT is the gist of this blog – the fact that you can be a family without having that blood relationship or using the basic definition of “mother” and “father”.

If we’re lucky, we might come across people in our lives that fill an emptiness brought on by the absence of family. Someone who may love you like the word “mother” or “father” implies. Someone who loves you enough to scold you as well as praise you. Someone to fill that emptiness you feel from not belonging to your traditional family. Think about it. Who has been there for you throughout your lifetime? Maybe they aren’t with you anymore. Maybe you were lucky enough to have more than just one person walk through your life that taught you what family really is. Whether you’ve had only one person touch your life or two or three within a lifetime already fully lived, consider yourself lucky. Not everyone has had the chance yet to really KNOW the feeling of the word “family”. Are you in your teens, or your twenties? You still have a lifetime to live. You never know who you will come across that might fill the void. Someone who will see who you are, but like you anyway! Someone to criticize in love as well as bolster you up. Someone with advice when you falter, and teach you when you’re lost. In short, “FAMILY”. You don’t need to be related by blood or ancestry to feel like a family.

So, give it a little thought. Your own family is a disaster, but do you already have “family” in your life that you never considered? Consider it. You might be surprised!

Until next time,

Inge

You Gotta Laugh

WHAT?!?! In this day and age, with what we’re currently going through, you might be the one exclaiming the “WHAT?!?” We are currently going through something never before seen in our generation. The most common phrase describing our situation is: “unprecedented times”. This is true. No matter what generation you belong to, this is something totally new. Something that hasn’t been seen before in our lifetime. We are hearing about ghastly death tolls all over the world. There are well over a million infected to date (April 6, 2020 – 1,334,009 cases). So, what is there to laugh about?

We need laughter to see us through this. We are being bombarded with rules, regulations, reports, and restrictions. The human spirit is just not made to stay isolated. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying to stop following the advise of the experts. We need to get a handle on this and we need to follow these rules, regulations, and restrictions. What I AM saying is that we need laughter if we’re going to see the other side of this with any kind of semi-sanity intact. You can already see it. People are posting humorous tidbits on FaceBook to try and counter all the negative information we are being drowned with. One family posted a video of them singing the “Isolation Rap” – hilarious and inspiring. That’s added to others doing their version of the “Isolation Rap” as well.

No matter where you live, humans are resilient. Show us a crisis and we’ll show you compassion and concern. Drop us in the middle of a pandemic and suddenly the whole world is on an even footing. No matter where you are, it’s the same virus that touches Alberta, Canada just as it touches Hobart, Tasmania. No matter what your race, religion, or nationality, this virus knows no boundaries. No one is exempt from the reaches of this horrendously nasty thing called Covid-19. We need to fight it on ALL levels. Haven’t you heard the saying “Laughter is the best medicine”? I know, cliche, but it’s true. If we can laugh at ourselves and our situation – even if you’re home alone – you’ll be amazed at the difference. No, laughter is not an antidote for the virus, but it can be part of the treatment.

So, keep those humorous FaceBook posts coming; keep digging up the hilarious clips from the Carol Burnett Show; create your own Covid-19 treatment and make a video. Do whatever you can to keep the laughter bubbling up. As we do what we can to make sure we live through this crisis, let’s also make sure that we don’t forget HOW to live. So, stay safe; stay healthy; and let’s hear a lot of “belly laughs”.

Until next time,

Inge

Another Side Effect of Covid-19

Before I head into today’s article, I need to remind everyone that I am NOT a health care professional, nor am I licensed in any field. My writings stem from observation, opinion, and like the title of the website suggests – LIFE! And h-e-e-r-r-e we go!

There seems to be another side effect of this horrible virus, but no one seems to be talking about it or mentioning it. Could it be because it stems from the mental and emotional parts of a person instead of the physical? My last article suggested that there is such a thing as a “healthy” dose of panic, which would prompt us into survival mode. What I didn’t get into is: what happens when the “healthy” is by-passed and goes straight into a panic “attack”? “Nonsense!” you might say. “No one is silly enough to have panic ATTACKS over this” someone else might say. But . . . guess what? It’s not as far-fetched as is seems.

We are being bombarded by so many rules and restrictions like never before in our lifetime – whether you be senior or child or anything in-between. Services that we take for granted are being denied us – haircuts, massages, physical therapy, manicures and pedicures just to name a few. We are not allowed to dine out – not even in a food court. We are being asked to stay at home – some places actually have a “DO NOT GO OUT” order for residents. Where we in no way are restricted within small spaces, there can be a feeling of claustrophobia developing; a feeling of walls closing in on you so-to-speak. Feelings of slamming against those same invisible walls that seem like cages as you turn in circles trying to find a way free. These feelings are very real – and can be very scary. To most, these feelings might seem irrational, but to those who are experiencing the confusion, fear and anxiety they are very, VERY real.

If you’re apt to scoffingly shrug off these feelings, I urge you to blindfold yourself, tie your hands, spin around in circles and then once you stop, try walking a straight and calm line – still blindfolded and bound! The uncertainty and disorientation you feel will give you just a glimpse into what someone who is fighting the fear and panic of these unknown times might be feeling. It might be irrational but it is very real, very potent, and very unnerving. We are by nature a social people. Even so-called “homebodies” need the sound AND the touch of another life – whether human or pet. Sometimes you don’t realize how much until it is denied you. We’ve taken so much for granted and now that it’s been taken away from us, we are calculating losses that we never even imagined.

So, what do we do about it? You’ve heard it already. Reach out to people. Video chat with someone. Get a group together on ZOOM and have a good old-fashioned “kaffeeklatsch”. What’s to say you can’t go out for coffee with someone – over your computer? One of the most important things is actually a “DON’T”. DON’T belittle someone if they finally, hesitantly, open up and share their unease, fear, and/or panic. Remember that it’s very real to them, even if you have no idea what it feels like. Let them ramble on for a bit. Don’t criticize. Please. And before you laugh at what you perceive to be their silliness, just think of that something YOU might be feeling that others might not. We all have that little thing that might not seem so little to us. So, check in on a neighbour; lift up that archaic thing called a “telephone receiver” and touch someone that way. Learn how to connect virtually. Let’s see if we can help EVERYONE through this horrendous time, whether they are suffering physically, mentally OR emotionally.

If you are someone who doesn’t have anyone to connect with, leave a comment. Believe it or not, there are people out there who are really alone – no family that cares about them; no friends to check on them; no neighbours to worry about. That, too, is a very real fact of life. If you’re a Christian, pray. Even if you aren’t a Christian, pray. Someone who will NEVER leave nor forsake you is our Heavenly Father. Pick up your Bible and get to know Him. Don’t have a Bible? Go online and search for Bible verses. Too cynical to even think of that? Leave a comment anyway. Connect that way. Remember! As alone as you may feel at this moment, there are others who are feeling the same way. Comfort is a universal word. We all need it at some point in our lives. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Stay strong.

Until next time,

Inge

Prudence, Paranoia, or Panic: Covid-19

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or don’t own even ONE piece of technology (ex. computer, laptop, tablet, smartphone, teleVISION or telePHONE) you’ve heard of Covid-19 and the impact it’s having around the world. Now, before you read on, remember: I am NOT a physician, healthcare worker, or specialist in any way, shape or form. What follows is opinion and observation only. If you’re looking for advice on the coronavirus, please “GOOGLE” Covid-19 and there you will find information provided by the appropriate government (Canadian, in my case) and the specialists that are fully involved in this pandemic.

As the title of this blog suggests, I have been wondering exactly how to describe these rules that have been set out for us, and also how to describe the public’s responses and behaviours. I had been one of those people who had my head burried in the sand, going merrily along with my life – UNTILL – I started reading up on this virus. Don’t get me wrong! I was following the rules set out by the government and health officials, but not really panicking. For instance: I live in a seniors’ complex where no one – thankfully – has come down with the virus – to date, that is. When everything was cancelled here at the Manor – and I mean E-V-E-R-Ything – I thought that was going a bit overboard. Everyone was following the rules – or so it seemed – and people here have not wanted to go out. Nor has anyone been travelling, or had relatives traveling – to my knowledge. So, my thought was, why does what little socialization that was taking place here have to be cancelled? People have been on edge during this. It seems that people have been panicking when shopping. I mean, I have yet to figure out why everyone was stocking – and hoarding – toilet paper! If anyone can answer that, please do. This is not a stomache virus, it’s a respiratory virus. I thought that at least in our little community here, people could help each other take their minds off this, if even for a few moments. The activities that were taking place here did not involve more than 10 people at a time; and today my neighbour was told that only one certain person – her son in this case – is allowed to bring her groceries. What happens when HE is not able to shop for her? And what of the people who do NOT have ANYONE to do shopping for them? Will they be told not to go to the grocery store at all? What will happen then?

I can here the words already: “Get groceries delivered!” Guess what? I’ve been trying to do just that, but one store has no timeslot available until NEXT Sunday – April 5th; and another option just keeps flashing “No delivery times available . . . please check back later . . .” The second choice doesn’t even have time slots to choose from, only a calendar spot for the current day. So, what that leaves me with is a trip to my Safeway or Sobey’s. “HOW” you say? In this craziness, does anyone even dare to call for a cab? Have I now passed over to “paranoia”? Have I by-passed prudence?

You know what? I’ve realized that there are no real answers to a lot of the questions we have. This is (here comes probably the most popular word describing current times) unprecedented. No one has a guide to follow. All we have is the information flowing from government officials and health care specialists. This virus spreads so fast that yes, drastic measures ARE necessary. All it takes is ONE PERSON with the virus to unknowingly go out and BANG! It balloons from there. Just look at how fast it’s spreading in the U.S. They’ve jumped to number one in the WORLD for cases of the virus to over 100,000. At least here in Canada we are getting reasonably accurate information, and prudent steps to follow. That’s all I’ll say on THAT matter – for now.

In conclusion, I believe that we need a measure of all three in our response to this – prudence, panic and paranoia. A healthy dose of paranoia (yes, there is such a thing) jump-starts the survival instinct. Couple that with a healthy dose of prudence and maybe even just a mild dose of panic is a good thing right now. As long as we USE OUR HEADS we should be O.K. Yes, listen to government officials. Yes, listen to healthcare officials. And yes, follow the rules set out for your safety and the safety of others. Also, don’t forget all the healthcare workers AND all the people that are still at work making sure that you’ll be able to feed and take care of yourself and your family. These are only two areas I’ve singled out. There have been so many people/businesses that have stepped up to make sure that life will go on. So, please, stay safe and stay healthy. And please do not forget your neighbour. Wherever possible, lend a hand to someone who doesn’t have anyone in their life. Make sure that the more susceptible people around you can still get on with life as well.

Until next time

Inge

Seniors (Part 2)

Silently musing as he rocks back and forth,
Where is he now? What is his worth?
Memories flod over like swollen banks of a river,
Piercing the soul, like the stab of a sliver.

The children, when young, were wild and free,
Running and laughing, so filled with glee.
Now so much older, so wise and so stern,
Can they still laugh? Can they still learn?

So long ago he could still walk
Unaided, unhindered, while to people he did talk.
Part of the movers and shakers was he;
Now just the memories, that’s all he can see.

Surrounded by noise, amidst all the bustle;
How he did glory; how he did hustle!
Now all is quiet, now all is still,
Silence pierced only by “Time for your pill”.

There is a glimmer, there is some hope;
Through others like him, who’ve learned how to cope.
He can still smile, laugh, love and cry;
If only on the inside, he can still fly.

The young ones can see every wrinkle, every line;
A roadmap of wisdom; to laughter a shrine.
The smile has not left him, it’s only asleep;
When woken up, so poignant we weep.

So when you see him, all gnarled and withered;
Remember what you’ve read; remember what you’ve heard.
He’s still a person in need of some love,
Just one lonely man seeking peace from above.

A man with stories and wisdom to share;
Who’s still able to love and able to care.
One lonely man, struggling to see;
But careful – one day soon, that’s where YOU’LL be.

written by Ingrid Ewikowski
March 13, 2020

Until next time,
Inge

Seniors (Part 1)

If you’re anything like me, you may have jokingly used the phrase “I’m having a senior moment” to explain away lack of memory or some other confusing moments that may have just occurred. W-E-L-L? I have as good a sense of humour as the next guy (gal?) – at least I’ld like to think so – but let me turn serious for this one.

I am surrounded by seniors, and have had the privilege to witness people at different stages of their lives. One major thing I have noticed is that age is just a number. You cannot gauge a person’s age just by looking at them – either their physical appearance or their ability to do things. I have seen people in their 90’s walking merrily along without so much as a limp, let alone a cane or a walker. And I have seen people in their 70’s in electric wheelchairs or using a walker. I have also seen people in mid-life and in wheelchairs, but that’s another blog entirely.

The point of this write-up is to draw attention to the way we behave around – and toward – seniors. There is one common thread running through pretty much all the seniors I’ve come across – LONELINESS. You see, a lot of the people I speak with have had active lives but for one reason or another, they don’t anymore. The children are all grown up; the job is just a memory; the grandkids don’t come around that often; and/or their spouse has passed on to the next life. All of a sudden, they look around – and see emptiness. Where is everybody? Why won’t someone phone? What is the purpose?

Once again, I do know you don’t have to be a senior to experience the above, but let’s stay focused on the so-called “golden years” for now. Just think of the stories that people who are in their 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s have to tell! What an opportunity to learn! What adventures they could share! If only we take the time to listen – really listen. That’s all they want you to do – for someone to stop and just pay a little attention to them. It is said that we start as children; move into adolescence; then adult; and back to children again. Have you heard that? I don’t know if that’s true or not. I HAVE seen evidence of this. But sometimes you don’t need to be a child – or a senior – to act childish! (Again, another blog entirely.) If you have the patience to deal with a child, you have the patience to talk to a senior. Take the time to just sit and talk with a senior. That’s all that most of them really need – someone to listen. Just remember: you, too, are heading toward your “golden years”.

Until next time,
Inge

Which One Is Me?

You look in the mirror and wonder quietly:
“Which one am I? Which one is me?”
Of all the “me’s” – past, present and future,
Which is the “me” that you should treasure?

The child within you still cries silently,
“Where is everyone? What is so wrong with me?”
You look for a shoulder to cry and to lean on,
But all that you find is the cold morning’s dawn.

Then all of a sudden, anger does appear,
To be quickly dispelled by sadness and fear.
Then comes compassion for your fellow man,
Only to be replaced by “Do you think I really can?”

A look of wonder, and again, one of fear,
As you ponder the trail of one lonely tear.
“Is this all there is? Is this all I’ll ever be?”
“What am I missing? What can’t I see?”

Uncertainty and doubt show up now and then,
To be chased away by a smile; see how fast they ran?
They can’t survive in the light of that smile,
You have more to travel; more than just another mile.

Though lonely you are, alone you are not!
For the shed blood on the Cross YOUR soul He had bought.
Now no one’s around, no one can hear,
But for Heavenly Father, shedding more than just one tear.

So who were you then? Who are you now?
Who will you be and will you know how?
Just ask your Heavenly Father above.
When you bask in the glow from Heavenly Love.

You don’t have to worry, you don’t have to care,
If your life you turned over – your soul you did bare.
Father, Son and Spirit is your Company;
Then you’ll have the answer to: “Which one is me?”

written by Ingrid Ewikowski
February 18, 2020

Until next time,
Inge

What Does It Mean To Succeed?

There is something I wrote litterally decades ago, but it still holds true today. I have gone through at least 5 different personality changes since then, if not more. (That’s “Personality CHANGES” as opposed to “PERSONALITIES”! Big difference – I think!) Maybe someone might get something out of this now. This may seem “simple”, but sometimes, “simple” can be another name for “success”.

Many times we ask ourselves:
What is it to live life to the fullest?

If you can appreciate the simplicity of a child’s song;
See the beauty in a sunrise;
Look around you at the wonders of nature
and feel in awe at all that surrounds you.
If you can see the good where all others see failure.
If you can hold your head high in the face of a crises and say:
“I will beat you. I am bigger than you.”
Then you have succeeded.

If you can laugh with others at the simple pleasures of life;
Enjoy the company of a young child;
Appreciate the gentleness of a warm summer’s day
as well as the ferocity of a storm.
If you can see the beauty in everything that surrounds you
and not only put emphasis on faults.
Then you have succeeded.

If you can be honest with everyone around you, but especially with yourself.
If you can listen to a friend with your heart, and not only your head.
If you can praise as well as criticize, and accept both with an open mind.
Then you have succeeded.

For, you see, a person doesn’t have to be rich to succeed;
Money can’t buy freedom or happiness.
You don’t have to be famous to succeed;
For fame alone has no joy.
YOU JUST HAVE TO BE YOURSELF.

If you can honestly say: “I AM ME!” and be happy about it,
Then you have truly succeeded in living life to the fullest.

written by Ingrid Ewikowski
sometime in 1980’s

Until next time,
Inge