Living In The Past – Voluntary? Or Not?

You’ve all heard the saying “Living in the past”. You’ve also been told that it’s your CHOICE whether you live in said past. W-E-L-L?! Maybe 90% of the time it IS your choice. But what about this other 10% that I’m talking about? Hang on to something, you’re about to get an answer – whether you agree with it or not!!

You’re ALL in control of what goes running rampant through your minds – most of the time. (And yes, I include myself in this!) The rest of the time? You PRETEND you’re in control to all those around while once again dealing with the trap your run-away thoughts have caught you in. All of us – you, me, that guy/gal down the hall – can have the best intentions in the world not to let the past get the upper hand. You’ve worked hard to get over it, go around it, and/or barrel straight through it – or all of the above, sometimes at the same time! But then . . .

A song comes on the radio that, whether you like it or not, takes you back to childhood; or, to a lost love; or, to the family messes that happened; or . . . you get the idea. Try as hard as you like, no amount of the “Ain’t-gonna-go-there’s” will get you OUT of there! (I know! Terrible grammar for a writer – it’s intentional!) It seems that the more you try to get OUT, the more the memories crowd IN. The more the memories crowd IN, the more you try to get OUT. Until, you are running yourself in so many circles you’re about to fall flat on your face from dizziness. So, the question remains: What to do about it?

Here’s a layman’s – or layPERSON’s – opinion: the only thing you can do is try to survive the onslaught in the best way you know how without creating too many more gray hairs or wrinkles. The more you fight the memories, the bigger the onslaught of said memories. Make them your friend instead of the enemy they automatically become. Stop calling yourself every name you can think of for whatever situation you found yourself in and just shrug it off. “W-H-A-A-T” you say? That’s right! You read that part correctly. You see, the negative – or the positive – comes from your REACTION to said memories. So, instead of fighting these memories, yourself, and/or everyone around you while calling yourself six different kinds of a fool yet again, try to learn something new from just the re-appearance of the memory. You’ve been beat up enough over something that should have been put in the “finished” file – or “File 13’d” – a long time ago. It’s time to really let go and, before you know it, you can enjoy the same song just for being a song you like, and not cringe every time you hear it. Too bad it’s not quite so easy to do as it is to write. But guess what? You’ll get the hang of it – and just think of all the songs you’ll add back into your repertoire of loved-again music. Good luck to all who are brave enough to give it a go.

Until next time,
Inge

“Maybe It’s Not About Me”

Where we’ve all been told at one time or another that “maybe it just isn’t about you” or, we might even have said the same words to ourselves. There might be something in the following poem that you may recognize within yourselves – whatever season of life you may be in.

As a small child plays all alone,
Just as quiet as she possibly can be.
Her relatives converse all around her,
Bouncing other little ones on their knee.
And she thinks, “Maybe it’s not about me.”

A young girl sits so quietly in class
While all other students giggle with glee.
She watches her teacher as time does slowly pass,
Who talks with the others so abundantly and free.
And she thinks, “Maybe it’s not about me.”

A young woman comes in with trepidation & fear;
Wanting nothing more than to hide or to flee.
She hears the whispers and turns away with a tear;
Do they not listen? Do they not see?
But then she thinks, “Maybe it’s not about me.”

A middle-aged woman sits so silent, so still;
In a room full of strangers, with her eyes she does plea.
Do they not see her? The sadness within her does fill;
Surrounded by people – are they really her family?
And still she thinks, “Maybe it’s not about me.”

An old woman rocks back and forth with a sigh;
Looking back over moments as she drinks a cup of tea.
A realization dawns, now that the end is ‘nigh:
“How could I not know? How could I not see?”
“All that had happened – yes, it really WAS about me!”

So come to the Father; it’s never too late.
You can unburden all, you can set yourself free.
All the pain and the heartache and yes, even the hate;
You can let it all go, you can let it all be.
And Jesus will say, “YES, IT’S ALL ABOUT ME!”

written by Ingrid Ewikowski
January 23, 2020

Until next time,
Inge

Something To Strive For

I saw a quote this morning that really got me thinking. (Yes, I DO think – occassionally!) This quote is by an Unkown Author and goes like this: “Live your best, act your best, and think your best each day, for there may be no tomorrows.” Quite the twist on the usual “Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we (may) die.” quote that makes the rounds a lot, hmm?

I wonder just how many of us live up to this quote. Believe me, I count myself among the lot that DOESN’T live up to it! I found this in the Dr. David Jeremiah Turning Point January magazine for yesterday (January 15th, 2020) and the title for the devotion was “Give Your Best”. To summarize the devotional, if I may, it tells us that if we are working (wherever and whatever our work) at anything less than our best, we are not giving what our Heavenly Father expects from us – or deserves – and He deserves the best, and much more. To quote Dr. Jeremiah: “Whatever you do today, do it as if you are working, cooking, driving, playing, or serving God Himself – for truly you are.”

The other side of that is, even when we are at “leisure” – time off, or at “play” – we are still reflecting our service – and devotion – to our Father Almighty. Basically, it is WHATEVER our actions may be, that reflects our character and our devotion to Him. If we want to be a testament and a witness of the love, gentleness, and generosity our Father in Heaven shows us (and these are only 3 of the many, many, characteristics of our Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), we must exhibit these characteristics ourselves – however difficult it may seem at times (and BOY! can it get difficult!).

So, remember, everything you do – and say (although what we “say” is an entire Blog topic all its own) – reflects not only YOUR character, but also reflects what you are giving to the Almighty Father in Heaven. Here’s to our “B. E. S. T.”

Until next time,
Inge

For A Friend

Something has been on my mind to write this down. I’m sure people will be able to find someone they know being described in part or in whole within this poem, whether alive or already gone. I did not know Michelle long – just short of three years before she passed away – yet becoming friends does not work on a timeline. During the few telephone conversations which we had, I laughted – and I cried. A true friend would not mind either. I tried re-writing this without referencing any names, however, the poem didn’t quite work together without doing so. I’m sure Michelle wouldn’t mind. I know Mike doesn’t. I hope you WILL see someone special within these words, for that’s exactly what Michelle was. And if there IS someone you see here, learn from a mistake I made – don’t wait to tell them how you feel. I don’t think I ever did tell Michelle before she was taken from us.

Michelle -Through My Eyes – For Mike

She began as we all have,
Born to a couple – a mom and a dad.
She was the oldes within these siblings of six,
When she saw something broken, how she did fix!

She hit the world running,
Blazing her way through life.
She was not only sister,
She became mother and wife.

Her path through this life was not so easy,
Encountering hurdles and roadblocks a’plenty.
With battles in body and wounds to her soul,
She stayed true to form and fought to remain whole.

From the men in her life she was taught oh, so much.
It began with her father, who showed joy and strength and such.
Then along came Sean, the first heart of her heart;
The amazing love of a mother with him it did start.
The next heart of her heart came along in Tim,
The tears, joy and laughter were now shared with him.

Then Mike came along, so loving and kind,
With you, the missing piece of her heart she did find.
And not just her heart did you fill,
But her soul became complete – and calm – and still.

Let’s not forget mom, so feisty and true,
Showing love with her cooking as tea she did brew.
Love and respect Michelle learned from mom and dad,
A love for the ages is what Frank and Grace had.

Michelle’s patience and care for the young of this world
Showed wisdom and strenth that begged to be observed.
She wanted to steer them toward the right road,
Making sure that these precious ones had the chance to grow old.

Now toward the end Michelle laboured for every breath,
But her spirit remained beyond infinite wealth.
The short time I knew her, and right up to the end,
This honest and genuine soul, I considered friend.

Ingrid Ewikowski
 November 17, 2019

Until next time,
Inge


And Now We’re Done

The presents are all unwrapped; the turkey is nothing but a carcass, with left-overs stored in the fridge to make turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey casserole . . . and whatever else can be manufactured from turkey! Not to mention the stuffing, yams, potatoes, gravy, vegetables – but the dessert is all gone! We have gathered with family and friends . . . or we gathered with no one. In all this, did anyone remember the Reason for the season?

A Baby born in a manger to grow up to be the Saviour of the world. Did we remember that? In all the gathering that we did, did we gather in quiet understanding and awe of what transpired over two thousand years ago? Yes, it is now all behind us. We still have the rush of the Boxing Day/Week specials: decorations for next year; prices that only come around once a year; prices being slashed to empty the Christmas inventory to make way for next year’s stock. In the warmth of our homes, whether house, apartment or boat, did we remember the couple who had to stay in a barn?

The actual Christmas day is behind us, but what ISN’T behind us is the Saviour born that day. He is still here. Jesus has not gone anywhere. He is waiting for you to call Him your personal Saviour. He was born to save the world. Will you let Him save you?

Until next time,
Inge

This Blessed Season of Contradictions: Part Two

This is something I wrote last year – a year that was extremely difficult for me, especially around this time. Count your blessing, and may you all be safe during this Season.

“Contradictions”

Christmas for many, a joyful afair;
Christmas for some, such deep despair!
Laughter and loving, while family surrounds;
No one to visit, no one around.

Hustle and bustle, smiles everywhere;
Eyes looking blankly, pain in the stare.
Feasting and snacking, pass it around;
No special meal, no merry sound.

We visit, we phone, and then we write;
No one to call from morning ’til night.
Presents to buy, and then to wrap;
What misery brings this holiday trap.

Open the arms, the eyes and the heart;
They whoo seek an end will find a new start.
Traditions and gatherings of old and of new;
Those living with lies willl find something true.

Take heart in this season where contradictions abound;
The one who smiles the brightest with the merriest sound,
Is the one who’s at home at the end of the day,
Softly closing the door, silently crying, “Is there no other way?”

For happy or sad, with smile or with frown;
Have forgotten THE reason this season is known.
Gather one, gather all, gather yours, hers and his,
And listen now, and remember this:

He came to us, so many centuries ago,
Not knowing hustle or bustle, just gentle and slow,
To show us there’s peace, there’s hope, and there’s love.
From His Heavenly Father, who sees ALL from above.

Ingrid Ewikowski
December 3, 2018

This Blessed Season of Contradictions: Part One

How can I call the Christmas Season a Season of contradictions? There are s-o-o-o many people that suffer through this Season. I’m not just talking about the people who really don’t have very many – or any – material possessions, albeit that is cause for generosity and good will.

I’m talking about the people that suffer from depression and feelings of utter loneliness throughout the weeks of Christmas. You can have all the money and possessions you want, yet for those that are alone in this Season of family get-togethers and friendship, it is almost a torture to have to live through.

Now don’t get me wrong! You can be alone and yet be happy with your life. It is just a very difficult thing to do. You might come across a person who, on the outside, is smiling and chatty and all a-glow, yet on the inside, there is a crushing sense of “I don’t belong” and “I’m really all alone!”. That is a heartache that many ARE able to hide, and the ones that hide it well are the ones suffering the greatest feelings of “empty”. And the worst of it is those that DO have family – yet are astranged from said family, for one reason or another, and won’t see them at all. That is yet another crushing blow to the heart in this Season. There are so many who do suffer – and suffer in silence.

So where is the contradiction? The contradiction is in this season of good will, family gatherings, and visits to/from friends which make you smile, laugh and bubble over; even celebrating the more important reason for the Season, the birth of the baby Jesus, still might not be enough for some people to stumble through the weeks. These people are sad, alone, even devastated. THAT’S the contradition.

There is something I want you to think about the next time you say “I’m all alone”. Stop and really think: “Am I really alone? Is there really no one in my life to call and/or talk to?” and if you find even one person who is in your life, then you are NOT alone. “Alone” is when there is no one you can phone to talk this through; no one to call for coffee; no one to go visit or come to visit you; and most of all, if you are surrounded by people yet not one of them would sit and have a heart-to-heart with you, there is nothing worse than being alone in a crowd.

So, the next time you come across someone who just wants to “shoot the breeze” with you, remember: you may be the ONLY one in that person’s life who listens – really listens. If you are busy bustling about, going to and fro, count your blessings – and say a prayer for all those people who are having a very difficult time in the Season of Blessings, family and friends.

Until next time,
Inge

Internal Dialogue

As I looked back to see when my last Post was, shamefacedly I realize it’s been TWENTY DAYS!! That has to be THE longest I’ve been away from here. I should have guessed when I opened the App and it asked me to log in again!! How dare I?!?!?

This leads in nicely to tonight’s title as I’ve been berating myself for ignoring this new venture of mine. Have you ever listened – REALLY listened – to your internal dialogue? This is not to be confused with a conversation you might have with yourself – which, if you’ve read the blog, is quite all right to do. No, this is the dialogue you tell yourself about YOU. Have you ever noticed that this dialogue is never positive? You find that you berate yourself for something left undone (unwritten blogs, perhaps?); or something done but incorrectly. You’ve made a stupid mistake and instead of calling the MISTAKE stupid, you end up calling YOURSELF stupid. You’ve let someone take advantage, so you get mad at yourself for being what you call “spineless”. You overate at suppertime, so you call yourself fat. You over-indulged in the “sweets” department so you call yourself weak. And the list goes on . . . and on . . . and on . . . until . . . . . . before you know it, no amount of compliments you receive can make up for the poor self-image you’ve created all because of this “internal dialogue” on steroids.

Let me tell you something, and take it from someone who has run the gambit of “self-mutilation of the self-esteem”, This. Is. NO. GOOD. and it DOES. NO. GOOD. except put you, your mood, and let’s not forget that self-esteem, all in the gutter, making you feel lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut!!!

Why don’t all of us try something new – and drastic. Why not go, oh, let’s say um, one month. Or how about the rest of the year? Why not forego the New Year’s Resolution about not berating yourself, and do it in time FOR the New Year. Just think how grand you’ll feel at the New Year’s Eve party. This is a great way to celebrate the Christmas Season as we head towards remembering the birth of the Christ Child. Just as His Birth brought new light into the world, why not bring new light into your own world. When you find that you’re putting yourself down; find that you’re calling you all kinds of stupid – not to mention all the other names; find that you’re getting mad at yourself for no good reason (enough examples or should I go on?); why don’t you stop! Go to the mirror! Look yourself straight in the eye (and yes, I know how hard that will be, believe me I do) and give yourself a COMPLIMENT!!! HUH?!? A WHAT?!? Did you forget the meaning of that word when it pertains to yourself? Well, familiarize yourself with it again!! Just try it. At first, I guarantee you’ll want to break the mirror – and not by your reflection (caught some of you thinking that, didn’t I?). But stick it out.

I’ll tell you something. Now that I put this out there, whether anyone reads it or not, I just put MYSELF in the hot seat. For how can I tell anyone to do this – even if it’s just me talking to me (make sense?) – and not do the same thing. (Have I REALLY confused you now?) That would be pretty hypocritical of me, wouldn’t it?

So, for the next month, let’s try building ourselves up instead of tearing ourselves down. This might be a really good way not go down the rabbit hole of dismal thoughts and lonely feelings during this season, too. (That’s a whole new blog in itself – and still to come.) Or at least it’s a good start in that direction anyway. I look forward to writing my New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day blog just to see if I was able to take my own advice. YIKES!! WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!?!?

Until next time,
Inge

The Young Pay Tribute, Too

Today is Remembrance Day in Canada and Armistice Day in the United States, both countries honouring the Veterans of the first world “war to end all wars”, which culminated at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. This day is honoured by more than just the two countries mentioned, as “World” War One had an impact as it implies – throughout the whole world. We honour all Veterans and their families, as both sacrifice in times of war.

One does not need to have gone through the war to honour Veterans of that war – or to honour Veterans period. The younger generation may not have seen a world war, nor have we seen what war can do outside of movies and books. I am talking about those of us outside of the Military and those of us born and raised in these countries we are blessed to be a part of. We may think the glimpse that Hollywood gives us into wars and battles give us some idea of what a soldier – or a soldier’s family – has gone through, but we would be wrong. Unless you have gone through similar experiences these soldiers have experienced, seen what the soldiers have seen, you cannot understand the horror and the tragedy that a war brings. It is something that stays with these men and women for the rest of their lives, no matter how hard they may want to forget. And it changes them, no matter how hard they wish it didn’t.

So, today especially, give a hug to grandparents, parents, children and relatives who have served and are serving. Let them know their sacrifice was – nor is – NOT in vain; that you feel eternally blessed to be living in the country you are in. Go up to a Veteran, whether related to you or not, and say “Thank You”. Let them know they matter. And let Veterans everywhere know THEY MATTER! Not just today, but they matter EVERY. DAY. Don’t just voice this today. If you encounter a Veteran in your daily living, go up to them and thank them for their service. Tell them that even though you have not served and sacrificed as they did; that even though you may be young and non-military, you thank them despite the not knowing – really KNOWING – what it is they sacrificed so that you can live in a country free of wars, free of battles, free of dictators and tyrants . . . FREE!

Until next time,
Inge

Falling Asleep Where?!?!

O.K. Tonight’s Blog is going to be an awkward one to say the least – and a somewhat silly one. Have you ever wondered if anyone else fell asleep in some of the same places and/or positions as you yourself have? Not to mention at THE oddest, most awkward moments to let out a snort of a snore. Also along those same lines, have you ever wondered just what might top this list of weird, awkward, and “what, REALLY?” moments? Let’s take a “sleep”walk through some of these real and “what if” places to fall prey to your body’s call of “ENOUGH – NEED SHUT-EYE”.

Now you must have heard of people falling asleep on the toilet – not to mention just the “falling” part of that! It’s the middle of the night and you stumble to your bathroom, mostly with eyes still shut. The next thing you know, you keep jerking awake from your back hitting agains the toilet lid as you try not to do the “falling” part. So, do you listen to the “ouches” that occur while this is happening? Of course not! You end up with a bruised back before you gather yourself together and stumble in reverse to your bed, grateful that you didn’t have another conversation with the bathroom mat!

So, what are some other really “no-that-just-can’t-happen” places to fall asleep? I may need some help on this one, as my imagination just may not cut it. Which brings me to the kitchen (“cut” bringing me to the kitchen, just in case you’re not fluent in the language of “Inge”). Can you imagine falling asleep while cutting onions? That can get quite “tear”-ifying, not to mention dangerous! Or while putting the chicken into the oven? You would have to be quite the sleep-deprived person if you can’t keep awake while preparing dinner. Or, how about when you’re doing laundry? Thankfully you need the first six moves on the contortionist checklist before you can fit into the washing machine or dryer, otherwise YOU would be spun, folded and mutilated!

There must be people who have done the nodding off at work – perhaps when you nod your greeting? How embarassing would that be? “How do you d-d-o-o . . .” as your nod turns into a huge snort of a snore! Or, you are in front of your computer and the ever-popular cartoon image of the head on the keyboard brings about repeating letters on the screen. Wouldn’t that be awkward if you were writing a personal letter and your boss not only sees you asleep but reads what you’ve been typing? WOW! That would be a doozy! Another would be the combination of falling asleep on the toilet at work!! No toilet seat there for your back to hit. OUCH!

How about while you’re talking on the phone? This is one that can happen at work or at home – the latter being preferable. You’re in the middle of a sentence and the next thing you know EMT’s are at your door because the person you’ve been talking to can’t get a reaction from you! Either that, or you end up having a conversation with the floor instead!

I’ve barely skimmed the surface of real – or imagined – places where someone could have nodded off. Never mind having barely touched on the position someone might find themselve in once they DO wake up. If you are reading this – and I thank you for doing so – leave a comment adding your “place and/or position”, real or imagined. I’ld love to read them.

Until next time,
Inge