Broken Trust

Have you ever trusted someone who has let you down and/or hurt you? If you are a member of the human race, the answer will most likely be in the affirmative. If the answer is no, then you are a rarity among us mere mortals.

This is not something we like to think about, let alone talk about. And we definitely do not want to admit it – sometimes even to ourselves. But life teaches us that we have little to say in the matters of broken trust. The thing is, the more your trust gets broken, the less and less you may be able to trust again. Oh, you may put on a brave front – continue to socialize, keep pluggin’ along this road called life, outwardly looking just fine. But what’s happening on the inside is where the problem manifests itself in many ways.

We can control our outward appearance – the smile when we’re sad; the laughter when we’re somber; the tears that laughter cause which are really tears of incredible sorrow. Every time someone breaks our trust, it gets that much more difficult to trust the next person – and the next, and the next – until you realize “OOOPS”, you’ve suddenly forgotten HOW to trust. This happens gradually, with every broken trust putting another brick into the wall around your heart. Gotta protect that heart of ours – or so we say. What happens to us if we don’t protect our heart? The pain can get to an overwhelming level. This pain is worse than any physical pain, which will eventually heal. This pain is on the emotional level and we all know that our emotions can lead us in some pretty awful directions. In this case, the road you’re travelling leads you towards isolation. You may not isolate yourself from actually talking to people – although too often that is exactly what happens. No, you just isolate yourself from CARING about people. You can talk to someone, listen to someone, advise someone – but you stop yourself from actually CARING. Why? Because pain is a great teacher.

The pain from broken trust – whether it be a minuscule issue or one of gigantic proportions – is something that one never forgets. And we are all hard-wired to keep our distance from anything that causes us pain. So, we run – metaphorically speaking, of course. If you are in shape, you may do your running in the physical sense as well. Although you find out the hard way that you can’t run away from the pain. This can be a pain that can literally bring you to your knees. You swear you can actually FEEL something break on the inside but you don’t know what. Until you realize it was your heart. That miserable organ that causes you to FEEL went “kaplunk”! What on earth were we thinking following this organ? Better to use your head, right? W-E-L-L-L, maybe not. If we get only our head involved, we may be missing out. But missing out on the breaking and the falling won’t be such a bad thing, you might say. No, missing out on that isn’t so bad, but take away the heart, what’s left? The sterile feel of logic, that’s what. Logic isn’t a bad thing to have, but using logic without the heart is so, um, BLAH, to be technical about it. There’s no joy, no fuzzy warm feelings, no smile that reaches the eyes. When you use your heart, you can literally FEEL IT from the inside out. It’s an amazing feeling. But, wait!! Weren’t we going to bypass that organ?

Guess what? Sometimes the heart gets involved before we realize it. Unless you’ve been hurt so bad that you intentionally keep your heart from Every. Single. Situation. If that’s the case, you’re in a bad way, my friend. If that’s where you’re at, you’ve been shielding your heart for so long you don’t know any other way. No one GETS in. No one SEES in. That’s final! If that’s where you are, ask yourself: when was the last time you laughed? I mean REALLY laughed. When was the last time you shared of yourself? I mean, you can share without getting personally involved, but is that really sharing? If you hold back a part of yourself, are you honestly doing the “sharing” thing? The walls are up; the eyes are shielded; the voice is even – all the time. You really don’t know any other way. But there is hope, even for people like us that forgot the meaning of words such as “share” and “laugh” and even “cry”. It’s not too late, really. You may have forgotten how to do those things, but you’re not a lost cause. It will take some serious work to get back onto this road called “living”, but you can do it. Just put one foot in front of the other. Give of yourself one bit at a time, slowly. You’ll begin to remember what it felt like to get really personal with someone. How to let laughter reach your eyes again. And you’ll surprise yourself at how much you missed it. It’s not in our DNA to be alone. And believe me!! Loneliness is all it’s cracked up to be. You may be saving yourself the hurt, but you’re also forgetting to LIVE.

What am I trying to say again? It’s not good to be an island. Yes, islands still exist, but that’s all you’ll be doing – existing. Remind yourself what it was like back when you felt alive. Not the pain, but the warmth. Then step out of the comfort zone of your existence and FEEL again. You can do it. It may be horrendously difficult at first, but don’t give up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you can’t get back on life’s road by yourself, go talk to someone. Your pastor, or doctor, or counsellor. There is no shame in seeking a helping hand. And again, last but definitely not least: pray. Put yourself into the Hands of Father God. He will be able to show you, too, how to start living again. Trust in that. Who do you think catches you when you fall? Who cries for you when you can’t cry for yourself? Father in Heaven sheds the tears you’ve forgotten how to shed. He will show you the way to go. And if you still need more help? Like I said, there is no shame in taking an earthly hand to help you turn the corner on the life road you’re on right now. It’s never too late. Don’t stay behind your wall. That’s not living. It’s existing. You were meant for more than that. Good luck and be safe.

Until next time,

Inge